The answer to this must be “yes” for every person, unless they are blessed with saintliness. Though I admit I have liked more people on first meeting than disliked, nevertheless, this does happen. The immediacy of such a dislike stems from a gut reaction, a sixth sense, an intuitive aversion. As with every human emotion, these reasons are not quite so simple as they first appear; there are literally thousands of psychological factors influencing human response. They include memory, environment, values, morals, upbringing, perceptions, education, prejudices and life experiences, to mention just a few, and they all lead to that dislike. Unreasonable it might seem, real it certainly is, and incredibly personal in all instances.
The question arises as to whether it is the person who is disliked or their personality as portrayed through their behavior. The “why” of it stems from your own personal values, alongside that gut reaction, as both feed into each other. If you are a person who was brought up to be polite and caring for others, you will value these traits in the people you meet. When confronted with someone who has bad manners and treats others with disdain, they you are probably going to dislike them immediately. Similarly, if you believe, perhaps erroneously, that a lack of formal education and the wearing of unconventional dress signifies a “rough” type of character, your initial reaction could be dislike.
From a personal viewpoint, one individual I met and disliked immediately conformed to none of those examples. This man was well dressed, well educated, polite in the “Southern gentleman, good ole boy” way and seemed to care greatly about us, his staff. He held a high position in the company, he was funny, intelligent and efficient. But for some reason, I feared, mistrusted and disliked him on sight. I tried always to keep a low profile in the office when he was around. Maybe the fact that he was an American boss in Belfast, Northern Ireland, and twice as old as my 16 year old self, contributed to the fear – of the unknown.
My gut reaction was confirmed some weeks later, when a discussion was taking place regarding the NAACP and Dr. Martin Luther King’s wonderful speech. I was so delighted and full of hope, but when this man came in and heard me, he launched a vicious attack on my youth and general ignorance. He insulted me, the Black race, Dr. King, JFK, and so on, like a man possessed. I argued back, to the concern of the senior secretary and office managers, both of whom raised eyebrows and shook heads to signal what a bad idea it was to confront the boss. I would surely get sacked. My dislike and disgust was such that I did not back down and he stormed out of the room, threatening me with dismissal. That did not happen, as the CEO was a more lenient and enlightened man.
So for many reasons, my dislike was founded, my intuition correct in this case. My experiences and upbringing as a member of the Catholic minority had instilled values in me that made prejudice something I had to fight at all costs. This man epitomized all that contravened my values, he was the opposite of all I considered decent in a human being. My gut reaction and intuition did not let me down, even if, at the time, I had no real understanding where they came from and why.
When you meet someone and immediately dislike them, it is best to keep your own counsel and try to analyze just why you feel that way. You could be totally wrong, and time will tell if you are, but then, nine times out of then……maybe not.
