Golden light glows from the lamps and illuminates the talking faces of my relatives. We’re all packed into the dining room with the aroma of apple cider drifting through the house. It’s Christmas Eve at my mother’s house. Thanks to a few bottles of liquor accompanying an abundance of good food, everyone is enjoying the company of one another – everyone in this room that is; I can hear my uncle muttering in the hallway. I quietly slip into a doorway to get a better view of the situation. My eyes fix upon my uncle as he scolds my aunt angrily, “What did you need the fifty dollars for anyway? Your hair? As if you could do something to make yourself look decent for once! You’re worthless! Don’t ever ask me for money again!” My uncle then storms out the back door. I had always wondered why my aunt was a nervous wreck, but as I stood there in shock watching her frozen against the wall, shaking, her tears catching black mascara as they ran down her face, I finally understood: my aunt had been abused for the past seventeen years. Many of us don’t know that the persistent use of hateful words can be a form of abuse; the idea is so commonly dismissed because physical harm isn’t caused. However, what shouldn’t be forgotten is that verbal abuse can be as equally destructive as physical abuse-physically and mentally.
Verbal abuse preys upon its victim by continuously wrecking his or her self esteem. With the right encouragement and inspiration, one’s self worth is evaluated making the sky the limit to what they may accomplish. The objective of verbal abuse is to cause the opposite effect: decreasing any measure of self worth, discouraging ambition and breaking aspirations in two. The sufferer often undergoes a personality change by becoming more timid, withdrawn, sorrowful, hateful, angry, and self destructive. A sufferer of verbal abuse also often may develop depression or an anxiety disorder.
Before my aunt married my uncle she was an unconstrained woman with a tremendous amount of confidence, and used to love spending hours making her hair, make-up, and clothes look their best before she’d go out places. It wasn’t dating, but marrying my uncle that trapped her and made her a victim to his game. After they were legally bound, he saw her as captive and his words devoured her completely. He drove her to undergo a personality change by telling her things that lowered her self confidence; he told her that she was ugly, stupid, worthless, and that she should give up on her looks and career because he didn’t believe they were worth anything. My aunt became shy, nervous, insecure, and increasingly plagued by depression, because of my uncle’s constant verbal battery. She stopped putting an effort into making herself look good and advancing her career. My uncle’s persistent verbal abuse had made my aunt believe she was worthless. This is because verbal abuse is mental abuse. If the victim lets his or her guard down, it can leave permanent mental and emotional scars, as well as a mangled spirit.
Our mental being holds the key to our physical being; often what damages us from the mind will damage us from the body over time. This explains why verbal abuse can cause damage to its target externally just like physical abuse can. As my aunt was piled with anxiety, her appetite increased so she ate more. The weight she gained as a result of her increased appetite made her feel unattractive. Instead of feeling that she owed it to herself to lose the weight she felt worthless and gave up hope of renewing her health. Her situation, as well as my uncle’s harsh insults, plunged her into a state of depression, and she grew sick looking, and unhealthy.
This result is common because persistent verbal abuse often causes the sufferer to undergo extreme anxiety and depression. A newly developed perspective or mental disorder as a result of verbal abuse can lead to a dramatic change of appearance and weight (my aunt’s dramatic change of appearance is a perfect example of this.) This isn’t the only way verbal abuse can contribute to changing the body; drug addiction can also develop as a result of verbal abuse, and can permanently damage the mind and body. Suicide is yet another saddening result of an extreme case of mental abuse and is a major example of verbal abuse shifting appearance (that shift being from alive to dead.)
Sadly, sufferers of verbal abuse often destroy many of the relationships with those around them. After a lengthy period of verbal abuse, the target will commonly turn anti-social. They stop believing they deserve love and respect from friends, family, co-workers, strangers, or themselves. This is exactly what happened to my aunt. She became bitter and retired into the life of a recluse. She’d avoid telephone calls, e-mails, and wouldn’t answer her door to avoid talking about her situation. She didn’t want help because she didn’t believe she deserved it anymore. Like physical abuse, verbal abuse can corrupt the life of the victim as well as the lives of those around the victim. Verbal abuse is a blind predator, for anyone can fall victim.
Every day, someone becomes a new target of verbal abuse, and every day someone succeeds at escaping this mental trap, because fortunately it is possible. My aunt, for example, finally realized her husband had been verbally abusing her and decided she’d had enough. She packed her bags and filed for divorce May 2006. She’s back to being her lovely, carefree self again, and what a wonderful sight it is. It’s heart-rending that anyone has to go through this kind of agonizing situation in the first place, but just like physical abuse, verbal abuse can be overcome. If it is taken more seriously, and the danger signs are examined from the start, we have a chance of preventing this vicious cruel cycle before it begins. This prevention would save a lot of grief, and give all the more hope. Now just think what a wonderful sight that would be.
