As a very fat child, I learned to accept calls of “Fatso!”, “Fattie,” and many more comments like these, as a way of life. It made me cry, it made me into a clown in order to protect myself. It made me eat more for comfort, and so lose more self-esteem and confidence. This verbal abuse was actually a form of mental abuse. It made me believe, because of those hurtful words, that being fat was all that defined me, meant I was worthless unless I could make people laugh. It took me 19 years and more to accept that I was just as valuable, intelligent, funny and able as everybody else.
People, especially children, home in on those who are different, whether they are too fat, too thin, wear glasses, need braces, have red hair and so forth. People verbalize their opinions in hurtful ways, they feel it is acceptable to use hurtful words, often wrapping them up in humor, but always hurting. While verbal abuse is more up front than mental abuse, there is little doubt in my mind that both are interlinked. Which is why verbal abuse can be just as damaging as mental abuse.
Mental abuse seems more deliberate and manipulative, calculating if you like, but the two forms of abuse are inextricably linked. There is something more evil and contrived about getting into a person’s head and insinuating negative messages that undermine confidence and self-worth, sometimes even the ability to function. But to do this, words must be used. Verbal abuse can be soft, insidious, gentle, as well as loud, vindictive, threatening or insulting. This is what turns it into mental abuse, so that the person abused begins to believe they are worthless, stupid, boring or whatever – they are of little consequence in life.
The results of verbal abuse, once absorbed into the subconscious, turn into a damaging form of mental abuse, and together undermine the person to whom they are directed. “Fatso” becomes shy and fearful, less able to form relationships. “Skinny” turns into a loner with few friends and nothing to say for him or herself – and so it goes on. The messages in the words have effectively damaged the person mentally. The mindset becomes one of “If so-and-so said it, then everybody else must think it, so it must be true.”
The cruel effects of verbal and mental abuse can be overcome, if only the victim seeks help and support. There are good, genuine people out there, most of the human race in fact, who would never knowingly cause pain to another person. All it takes is a good friend and some honest self-appraisal to take the first steps to repairing the damage caused by verbal and mental abuse. It might be a long journey for some, but believe it, this can be done.
