I have a good friend who sadly is a known complainer. Nothing pleases him, no matter how hard people try. If we go for a meal and we have to wait for a seat, his evening is ‘ruined’, if we go for a drink, the beer is never right, they never serve the one he wants and it is too warm or too cold. Get him to try anything new and you can guarantee he will not like it. His clothes are never the right fit, the right colour or the right ‘feel’. He does not like his doctor, he hates his accountant and his kids drive him mad.
Yet, I am extremely fond of him. Why? Because he treats people well and can take a joke. Even though you know he will complain about the meal, he is never rude to the waiter, he never takes clothes back and accepts that, for him, life is just one big disappointment. Yet, the kids who drive him mad are well cared for and lovely young people. His wife – she who he complains about most – is loved and treated with utmost care when she comes out with us. He buys his round when it is his turn, he is always there when we need him and is reliable and kind (though he probably complains about us as soon as our backs are turned).
He accepts that he is a perfectionist and that, for him, nothing is ever perfect and he knows why! As a child, he was brought up by a loving but very firm father with incredibly high expectations. He could never quite live up to the expectations his father had of him, even when he gained his master’s degree in physics and was basically brought up always feeling he was never quite good enough.
Yet he was close to his father and felt immensely proud when, towards the end of his life, his father told him how much he loved him and was proud of him. ‘ Why did he never tell me eariler?’ he grumbles now.
So, we give him the benefit of the doubt and we all know that, far from actually being grumpy and moaning, he is only trying to gain back a little of the respect that life should give him.
I played golf with him last week and the day was glorious. We had a really good, close round with me only beating him by 3 points. However, according to him, the greens were in terrible condition, the balls he bought were sub-standard, his clubs had seen better days and all that bright sun shine annoyed him throughout the round. Yet, he still bought the drinks for our bet and told me I played well, considering.
I have learned to read between the lines and to understand my complaining,moaning friend. I value his opinions and support and I know the time to worry will be when he ceases to be a complainer.
