There are several steps that must be followed to the letter if you make visual contact with a UFO. First of all, let’s discuss what will disqualify an official UFO sighting. Are you with friends or family? If the answer is yes, than you haven’t seen a UFO. Are you intoxicated and holding a cheap beer in your hand? If the answer is no, then you haven’t seen a UFO.
Do you own any of the following items? A diesel engine pickup, a tackle box, a plastic white cooler with or without additional lid, fishing rods, rifles, and/or a motley collection of dogs to go in a diesel engine pickup truck. If the answer is yes to the majority of these, then chances are you’ve not only seen, but have been abducted by a UFO.
The final question, which alone could decide your close encounter; do you live in what professionals call the “UFO HOTSPOT” of America? The following states form a rough square, creating the “UFO Square” if you will, Kansas, Texas, Florida, Kentucky, and all states lying within the formed square are in great danger of a UFO sighting, and or abduction.
But fear not, my friends, there are precautions that can be taken to prevent such events from happening to you. Consider renting an apartment and selling your RV. You might consider shaving, and even go as far as wearing unstained clothing. UFOs reject clean cut victims almost every time.
Avoid dark country roads with little to no traffic when drunk and alone at night. These old farm roads are UFO’s hunting grounds. Avoid bright spotlights that appear from the sky. Especially if said spotlights are pulling materials off the planet. A rudimentary knowledge of physics is imperative for survival, gravity says no to floating inanimate objects.
Avoid staring at the sky in an attempt to look for UFOs, veering off the road into a tree or ditch produces much higher fatality rates than UFOs. If you are attempting to capture one on film or photograph, remember a few important things. UFO’s, like Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster, are naturally blurry and out of focus. The only way to capture footage of these unclear phenomena is to purchase a camera, and always keep it out of focus.
Make sure not to confuse other, common things with UFOs. Airplanes, helicopters, streetlights, fireworks, something you yourself just threw into the air and accidentally took a picture of, a work of Photoshop, a bird, something tangled in a tree, a shopping bag, or the roof of your truck.
If, in the event you have taken all measures and are still pulled to the sky by a great beam of light into a UFO do not try to reason or fight with them. Simply give them what they want, and tell them with a smug satisfaction how alien invasions always end in the movies. Well, you might want to leave out Invasion of the Body Snatchers, oh, and The Day the Earth Stood Stillbut the rest we pretty much win.
