“Ladies and Gentlemen” the sleek looking stewardess announced “welcome to Quantum Space Lines Flight 300. Today we are glad that you have selected our newly designed Space Liner for your journey to Infinity and Then Some.”
I glanced over at my traveling companion who also happened to be my wife. We traveled together whenever we could, taking as many breaks from the stress of laboratory work as we could fit into our hectic schedules.
“Did you bring any gum?” I asked. We always packed chewing gum whenever we traveled. Chewing gum during takeoff helps to clear the ears as altitude and air pressure changes.
“Yes, dear.” She said with a hint of annoyance in her voice. “As if I would forget the gum. Did you bring your head?”
I wasn’t annoyed with that remark because I had come to rely on her generous assistance whenever I misplaced something, which seemed to be happening more often lately. I returned my attention to the stewardess.
“Our Space Officers today are Captain Bick Lightspeed and First Officer Astro Unit. My name is Curved Spacetime and I will be glad to assist you in anyway I can. Please place any luggage in the overhead rack and buckle up your seatbelts for take off. We will be departing shortly.”
“This is going to be a great trip.” I said. I could feel the rise of anticipation at the thought of finally having a dream come true. We would soon be among the first scientists ever to make such an incredible journey, although many other had tried.
Not impressed with my statement, my wife simply kept her eyes on Miss Curved Spacetime as if she were not quite sure about the necessity of having her along on our journey.
Our space liner began to move forward, gaining velocity as it mad ea jump onto the inner edge of a space-time worm hole at warp speed. The bump that came along with it was a little unsettling at first, but I had experience greater turbulence when flying out of Calgary.
Miss Curved continued her information laden indoctrination for new Infinity and Then Some travelers.
“In front of you is a mirror that reflects a red light and a blue light. Both of these lights are placed behind you, just over your shoulder. As we get closer to the point of entry into the Supermassive Black Hole, the Event Horizon which is just ahead of us, you will notice that the lights will shift in color. That is when we are almost there. Pay close attention to the color of the lights, because it happens quickly.”
My wife piped up. “Do you mean that the lights will indicate increasing speed towards Infinity?”
“I’m sorry, Mam.” Curved Spacetime replied. “I’m just a space attendant, not a physicist.”
My wife appeared quite annoyed at this and wrinkled up her nose to say so. This could be a very long short adventure if things didn’t improve quickly. Unconcerned, Miss Spacetime continued.
“Upon reaching Infinity, we will continue to travel for a short distance into Then Some. I’ve been told that it’s quite impressive, but I haven’t seen it myself. I’ve never been outside of our universe before, so this is really a first for all of us. Isn’t that swell?”
“I hate it when they treat us like children.” My wife said under her breath. You’d think that we don’t know anything about worm holes and the worm hole travel. Why I think that she expects that Infinity is just another tourist trap, but its not.”
“I know that dear.” I said. But once we pass Infinity, and we really don’t know how long that will take, we’ll be in Then Some. That’s not on our universe map, is it?”
I immediately thought the better of going on before this broke out into an argument, which she would invariably win, so I promptly clamped my mouth shut. Just in time.
Miss Spacetime continued on with her informational overview of our space flight.
“Also in front of you is a box that we will not open up until after our flight. Inside the box there is a cat that has been placed there by some researchers from Cornell. You don’t have to worry about the cat; it’s a thoroughly tested healthy cat, is just along for the ride.”
My wife’s eyes widened a little. I knew what she was thinking and I couldn’t help agreeing with her, silently.
“The researchers are going to open the box up when we return.” She continued. “I’m told that if the cat is still in the box, then our trip will have been successful. On the other hand, if the cat is not in the box, then it was never there in the first place.”
I hadn’t thought of that.
“Furthermore” she continued. “If the cat is dead, I’m told that it will have died of old age.”
“That explains everything.” I said to my wife with a knowing wink. “Everyone knows that cats can’t live forever.”
The lights in the mirror turned the most amazing color of blue just as we passed Infinity.
