Verbal Abuse
Abuse occurs in many different ways, but before we break them down lets look at what abuse is. Abuse can be described as a pattern of behavior that manifests into negative actions toward or directed toward an individual or entity. Abuse occurs toward humans and animals. It has no prejudice as to whom or what, when or where. Abuse can occur in the best of homes and in the streets. It occurs with all ages, male and female, young and old, poor and rich alike.
Different factors can play into where and why abuse occurs. The economy, health issues, mental or psychological issues and work environments. Stress is sometimes a key factor in the reasoning behind abuse. It is not always the number one key factor.
Today I want to focus on verbal abuse. Verbal abuse occurs more than most people believe. It is sometimes faint and not noticeable to others. It can be subtle and sweet or harsh and frightening. Most abusers use verbal abuse to control their victims into doing things that they would not normally do. Verbal abuse then leads into the other areas of abuse that we will touch on at a later time.
Some of the things abusers might say could be:
* You’re ugly and you will never amount to being beautiful no matter how hard you try.
* You couldn’t learn to speak proper if you had your brain removed and a new one put in.
* If you loved me you’d do what I ask you to do and shut up.
* How stupid do you have to be to understand I mean do what I say.
* No one will ever want you, you’re too damn stupid and ugly. Hell, I don’t even know why I wanted you.
* Sex with you is like sleeping with a fish.
Other comments such as, I need to clean my gun tonight, or I know I put that knife near the bed for a reason, could also be used to frighten or imply possible danger to an abused person. This is not just to adults mind you, it is also used on children as well.
The circumstances of the abuse will designate the words used, the tone of voice and the facial expressions of the abuser. This will be done so the victim can see and hear what’s going on to further play the mental game. If verbal abuse is used during a family get together the abuser would not want to use words or tones that would alert the family, the abuser would use words that only the victim would relate to.
These types of comments are repeated over and over again. Eventually the victim begins to believe that they are inferior and that they are what the abuser says they are.
Sometimes, after the victim is under the complete control of the abuser the abuser changes tactics. If there are children in the home the abuser may threaten to harm the children and use verbal cues to frighten the victim even further into complying with their demands.
Verbal abusers blame their victims for problems in the home and blame the victims for the abuser’s misfortunes. They don’t want to accept responsibility for their own actions so they put it off on the victim.
Verbal abuse is also used as mind control to trick the victim into thinking that all is well when it is actually out of control. If the abuser is cheating and bringing home their anger to their partner they may say things such as I would never cheat on you because I love you too much to do that to you. This gives the victim doubts as to whether or not they are really being abused or if they are making it up in their own mind.
This type of verbal abuse could also be classified under psychological abuse and mental abuse. These are my thoughts and interpretations of the forms of verbal abuse that I personally suffered for many years.
Some of the words used I can’t express here. I hope that this article and others to come will help to shed just a flicker of light on the issues we face each day when dealing with abuse of any kind.
Remember, abuse is not picky. The next victim could be you or someone you love. Learn all you can about domestic violence and abuse and become an advocate to help stop this demeaning and horrific act of humiliation and harm to others.
