As a person who once seriously considered ending my own life, I know there is a lot to understand about suicide. Honestly, I don’t know that I truly understand what I was feeling at that point in my life. I can list the feelings easily, but I can not make you understand. I know that people in general don’t fully understand suicide, and I will put my best effort forward, and try to help you understand more.
Where people go in their own minds is very dangerous, we put ourselves down unmercifully, and we don’t always have the presence of mind to tell ourselves we’re wrong. When people turn to suicide, they’re trying to escape. Mostly trying to escape the feeling of inadequacy, the feeling that they cannot do better for themselves whatever they try to do.
I’ve been betrayed all of my life, and it all started with my parents. My mom kept me from my dad, basically because she was bitter about how the relationship ended. My dad moved away, and I’ve never been able to remember even his face. I don’t know about you, but that’s pretty devastating in and of itself. Your parents are the ones who are supposed to be there through thick and thin, they’re the ones who brought you into this world, and they’re the ones who are supposed to back you one hundred percent. When you’re betrayed in such a way, you forever see yourself in a perverted light. You no longer see yourself for your accomplishments, but for your flaws.
Leading up to the day when I almost attempted it. I felt like I could do no good job wise, meaning I was just messing everything up for everyone involved. I felt like I had no friends, I felt like no matter what I did I couldn’t escape the awful circumstances I had gotten myself into. No human mind can truly grasp what that feels like unless they’ve been there. The feelings of inadequacy kept getting worse, and there was no one there to tell me I was wrong. There was no one there to tell me that the feelings I had, no matter how real they were, were not true. I didn’t have anyone I thought I could go to in that state to tell me that it was going to be alright, and I was honestly a good person.
If you think one of your friends, or a family member is considering suicide, take it from me. Talk to them. Make sure they know that you care, honestly care about them. Make sure they don’t go through with whatever they have set up in their mind. The most important thing to know about suicidal people is: do not under any circumstances leave them alone. Unless you have no other choice, and if you do have to leave them, make them promise to be there tomorrow for you. Do not leave them without a promise, the last thing a person wants to do before leaving this world is break a promise to someone who was truly there for them.
People have all sorts of views on suicide, but never truly understand what people are going through when they kill themselves. They’re not trying to hurt you, and they’re not trying to make living harder for you. They’re just looking for a way out, and sadly they feel this is the best way. To just go silently into the night.
