Suicide can simply be defined as the taking of one’s life. But why this final and irrevocable step is taken by an individual is a question that raises many issues. Included in these are cultural or religious beleifs, state of mind, age, health, social and economic status, family, relationships, personality, and major, traumatic life events. All or some of these, or perhaps just one at any given moment in time, can lead someone to that last, lonely personal choice, the ending of his or her life.
We have all heard or read the words: “While the balance of the mind was disturbed,” a coroner’s verdict when someone has died by their own hand. Counsellors and psychiatrists have linked depression to suicide with much evidence to support their findings. From this, we must assume that the person’s mental state was the driving motivational force in committing the act of suicide. It must be accepted that there is a great deal of truth in this assumption; but in trying to understand what brought about such a state of mind, where living is no longer feasible or desirable, we must look more deeply into the all the causal aspects. There are no easy answers – suicide is not simply explained away. Perhaps by examining the issues mentioned, one by one, we can reach some level of compassionate understanding. But we have to bear in mind that only one person can truly understand the “why,” and that is the individual who walked that lonely road, alone.
See also: Four Types of Suicide
CULTURAL OR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS: The most obvious, modern example here must be the “suicide bombers” who are willing to sacrifice their own lives in order to spread the word of their faith and to die for a cause. Of course, they are convinced that life after death exists, and within the dictats of their faith, they will have died as martyrs in a holy war. Everlasting, blissful happiness in Paradise will be their reward. That many innocents are robbed of life by suicide bombers, is not important to them. This may seem totally irrational to those of us who value human life and would hope to do harm to nobody. The question remains; is the action due to a loss of reason, or driven by religious and cultural fervour?
Think of the Japanese Kamikaze pilots of WW2, who were prepared to dive their planes to certain death, to honour themselves, their emperor and their country. Honour is a strong motivator in a culture where suicide is preferrable to disgrace or dishonour. Simply, life is not worth living if it has to be lived in shame. Thus, such beliefs and cultural norms can be seen to affect perceptions and thinking, leading to suicidal action.
STATE OF MIND: Severe depression is certainly a desperate condition that saps the life-force. Northing is worth doing, in fact everything from getting out of bed, to drinking a glass of water, is a mammoth, pointless task. Activities, food, people, music, all the joyful aspects of life cease to give pleasure and a downward spiral leads to the thoughts: “Why go on? Life is empty, colourless, not worth living.” In tandem with such thoughts, come the feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, uselessness and the idea that, “If I were dead, nobody would miss me, I am not important enough for anyone to care.” Obviously, the normal, healthy psychological balance of the mind is disturbed, and suicide then becomes a real possibility. People who voice such thoughts to friends or family are at risk. Usually, they will put their ideas into words about six months before actually doing anything. Suicide has often been rightly called a “cry for help” and sometimes, the person will make several attempts if help is denied. But depression itself occurs as a result of many contributory factors, which leads on to more possible causes.
AGE: Young or old, a person may decide that suicide is the only option open to them. For example, a student with a heavy load of course work may find that this takes over everything, there is not longer any time for the joy of living, no time to ease off. Panic sets in, and with it, despair, so sometimes the only perceived course of action is permanent escape from the pressure – death. In a case I personally experienced, a young man got drunk at a high school party, was sick, wet himself in full view of his peers. That night, he hanged himself from a tree in nearby woods, consumed by shame at his behaviour. His parents had paid for private school; he let them down. His friends could hold their drink; he lost face. The girl he liked witnessed his disgrace; he was humiliated. He could not deal with it, he did not have the maturity to stand back and analyze, or just apologize. He took a drastic way out of his pain.
Then try to understand the elderly person, possibly living alone, with no close family to help them. Their health may be failing, they may experience constant loneliness and see that life no longer holds any promise, nothing to look forward to. Or they may feel themselves to be a burden, economically, emotionally and physically, on their family. Suicide for such an individual may actually stem from unselfish motives, as well as some degree of fatalism. Perhaps just pure sadness is the cause.
HEALTH: Just recently, an elderly man I liked very much, one full of life and purpose, was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He was told on a Friday, and on the following Sunday morning, he was found dead in his home. I do not know all the circumstances, but in knowing him, I believe he ended his life to avoid more pain; he could not bear the thought of all the treatment he would have had to endure. At 82 years old, he made his choice, one which I respect and with which I empathize.
There are many cases where chronic or terminal illnesses lead people to plan their own deaths, often with the help of loved ones. In the UK recently, a woman has gone to court to seek the legal right to end her life, as her condition is deteriorating and there is no hope of a cure. There are many like her, some of whom have travelled to the Netherlands or Switzerland to achieve an assisted suicide. For those people, such a decision appears to be based on rational consideration, informed weighing of evidence, alongside the condition and quality of a life of pain and suffering. While it may be difficult to agree with the concept of taking one’s life, it is also easy to extend understanding. Could we not say that after all, “It is MY life, to do with as I wish?”
SOCIAL AND ECONOMIC STATUS: In using these categories, it must not be inferred that suicide is confined to any particular social group or strata. Rather, the intention is to show that these can impact on a person’s state of mind or perceptions, to the extent that they believe suicide to be the only answer. If an individual sees him or herself as a failure, because somehow, he/she has never achieved the ideal in society, for example, unable to get promotion or earn a higher salary, to be equal with others, then suicide could seem a solution. Rationally, he or she might believe that their family would be better off without them, maybe able to move upwards if they were gone. Pressures from a society that judges success in monetary and materialistic wealth can push people over that precipice. Debts are also a major cause of suicide – we can only recall the Wall St. Crash, when so many plunged to their deaths, just for the loss of money and the effects on status and life style such loss would bring.
FAMILY AND RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS: Because human beings need to belong, to feel loved and to be part of a group, when something disturbs the natural order, some people are unable to cope. There are so many circumstances that, even if we have never contemplated suicide, to which we can all relate. We can share the pain, we have empathy and imagination and can understand why some would want to die. The loss of a child, a harsh break-up, a parent’s death, experiencing or learning about family child abuse; these are a mere drop in the ocean of tremendous, murderous painful events. For some, suicide offers the only escape, as such traumas are too much to tolerate. There are ways to deal with trauma, help available, but often the hurt and fear can just be so intense that “getting out for good” offers peace and comfort.
PERSONALITY: Of course, there are many theories of personality which may be cited in support of the possibility of suicidal tendencies. In layman’s terms, we could argue that those who view life as the “glass is half full”, rather than “half empty” would be more able to cope with the traumas of life, having an optimistic mindset. The opposite may be true of the pessimistic, negative personality. But that idea is too simplistic, given the nature of the human psyche and all the numerous variations of response of which we are capable. For example, I knew a happy-go-lucky, cheerful young man who had a good job, lots of friends, was materially secure, who killed himself when his wife asked for a divorce. The question arose as to whether his death was a cry for help, a deliberate act of suicide, or a final, vindictive attempt to destroy another’s future happiness. Many who knew him believed he did not intend to die, but to punish his wife. We will never know.
MAJOR TRAUMATIC LIFE EVENTS: As mentioned in discussing personality, these affect individuals in different ways. Loss in any form can destroy the tenuous equilibrium we human beings strive to maintain. Loss of love, innocence, loved ones, status, self-respect, these are just a few in the endless march that is the essence of living. Dealing with trauma can be a strengthening, learning experience that some of us will emerge from as better people. We may even use our suffering and learning to help others. But for some, the “dark night of the soul” goes on for too long. Escape from pain and sorrow presents itself in the one final solution – suicide. Though help and support are available, those immersed in despair often fail to recognize this, nor do they beleive that hope exists and life can become better. Life is hard, no matter what external appearances may suggest to the contrary. REM so rightly put it with the words “Everybody hurts, everybody cries”, telling that “You’re not alone” and asking that we “Hold on.” For some, this just cannot be done in the face of traumatic loss, so they make the decision to let go, escape, opt out.
The suicidal person suffers such a depth of psychological pain in life, which becomes linked to the inability to see a way out. All we can do is try to understand that, for them, for whatever reason, life is no longer an option. The sadness and waste of this thought does not call for censure, but for understanding.
References for Further Reading:
F4 Understanding Suicide: A Fact Sheet From the Samaritans. Available from:
www.samaritans.org/pdf/F4UnderstandingSuicide.pdf
Information Booklets from Mind.Org.uk. Available from:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Making+sense/MakingSenseCBT.htm
Kersting, Karen (2004) A New Approach to Complicated Grief. APA ONLINE Available from:
http://www.apa.org/monitor/nov04/grief.html
Kirkley Best, E. (2004) Grief, Bereavement and Loss: An Introduction and Overview
Available from: http://forgottengrief.com/griefoverview.html
Understanding Depression and Suicide, University of Dar-es-Salaam. Available from:
http://www.udsm.ac.tz/UNDERSTANDING_DEPRESSION_AND_SUICIDE.pdf
