My story is of how one became many and how many became one. A story
filled with miracles. Some as small as the dewdrops on a spider’s web. Some
that rippled across the whole world.
For years I tried to present a “respectable” outward identity, but my shattered inner parts screamed in
defiance. So I learned to acknowledge the existence of my shattered psyche via
the definition of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).
DID isn’t a mental illness. People don’t become dissociative by accident. DID is
an energy disorder caused by early, extreme, prolonged abuses that transcend the
physical and emotional and shatter the soul. People who suffer from DID have
experienced abuse that surpassed the physical, emotional and spiritual limits to
affect the psychic energy at the core of their beings. This abuse was
deliberately, cruelly and consistently committed by caretakers early in the
child’s life.
DID isn’t genetic, though the ability to dissociate-separate oneself from pain
or dangerous situations-is inherent in some people. A person with DID has a
shattered core self. The scattered energy may be a named personality, such as
Kelly’ or Stan.’ The energy may be male or female, of various ages or may be
animals or objects. I have dogs, cats, a radio, dolls the kinds of parts are
limited only by the DID person’s imagination.
Except for the sense of energy shifting that is often dismissed as moodiness’,
DID is invisible to most people. Even so, people with DID deserve the same
consideration as other challenged people. People with DID are often told to grow
up’ or stand on your own two feet’ by people don’t know that we have no solid
inner self to rely on. This leaves us more vulnerable to manipulation,
intimidation and unethical behavior because the energy out in front isn’t the
same moment to moment.
People with DID have a sliding emotional and age scale. It’s difficult for
coworkers to understand that their supervisor may suddenly speak in a young
child’s voice if she is startled by a spider. It’s easier for people to decide
they were wrong about the person’s abilities and limit the person due to the
seemingly inexplicable shift rather than see that the complex system that
handles adult decisions can regress if overstressed or triggered.
The word triggered’ is a challenging concept since it’s often used when people
harm others or damage property. A news report may comment that a person was
triggered’ while committing a crime. While it’s true that a dissociative person
who is triggered may act childishly, most people with DID don’t intend to hurt
anyone.
I’m asking for understanding of the complexity of the situation that observers at
least try to remember the person is more than the moment, and in fact that she’s
going through a tough recovery process just as a person recovering from multiple
injuries would be.
It isn’t helpful to decide that we’re helpless, even if we speak in a childlike
voice. Instead of making decisions for us, what helps is to use your own calm
energy to reassure the DID person that she’s safe. An adult with DID can usually
handle herself if given a little space. Calmly go through options with her or
help her find a quiet place where she can work out the situation herself.
Since DID is an energy disorder, the kind of energy you share is very important.
If you’d like to help, simply give everyone the best energy you can. You may
not give much thought to the kind of energy you share, but your energy is your
most important and influential asset. Sharing your calm energy with a panicky
DID adult is extremely helpful that allows a calmer part of her to surface to
resolve the situation.
People with DID are expert at reading energies, so calm, kind, compassionate
energy goes a long way. Being an expert energy reader also means that if angry
or impatient energies are present, the DID person may panic in response.
People with DID are important in the world for several reasons. 1) To raise
awareness of the kinds of abuses that go on every day, all around the world,
even in countries like the USA. 2) To show that severe abuse damages the soul
as well as the mind and body. 3) To help society see how important the energy we
share with others is. 4) To share our gifts. We are amazing multitaskers who can
get many things done at once. We can also solve problems others have labeled as
impossible because we’ve thought outside the box’ all our lives.
To understand DID is to understand that we are, first and foremost, energetic
beings. People with DID are canaries in the mine’ of our energetic world. We
remind others that energy is neutral. When use our energy in negative ways, it
can be devastating. When we use it in positive ways, we create miracles.
Thanks to a brilliant therapist who helped me communicate with my 207
dissociated parts and taught me about my energetic self, I’m recovering from
DID. Healing from DID is tedious, challenging work, since my psyche has been
shattered like a pane of glass. Each shard forms an important part of the
mosaic of my healing self. As an adult, I’m also responsible for running my
household, making a living, raising a son and being the best wife possible.
I was one who became many. Now I am many, becoming one.
