The possibilities of contact with foreign extraterrestrial life
There have been many postulations by esteemed scientists and popular science fiction novels about first contact with Extraterrestrials. There are many attempts to explain how that first encounter would go, most of them ridiculous. Here I will attempt to explain using the powers of science (!) to try and recreate a possible encounter with life outside earth.
The first incorrect idea made by previous theories is that intelligent life will be at its maximum or minimum: either these aliens will be big brained with really fast spaceships or slurpees made out of used motorcycle parts or stupid basic humanoids with 8 legs for salsa dancing. This idea is ridiculous. Using advanced science and thermonuclear dynamic reactors, we can obviously see that most probably aliens will about as advanced as our human race was in the 1980’s. We can also use computers and calculus to determine that this alien race will be sharks.
Think of the great things we can learn from as well as teach these leg warmer wearing sharks. First of all, we can warn them of the rise of horrible pop music in the 1990’s so that hopefully that horrible grotesque situation may be averted. Oh, and also Sept 11 too probably. From the sharks we can learn new swimming techniques and how to become allies with sharks on our own planet. On that note, we probably shouldn’t mention how we hunt sharks for food and sport. Or we will just say Earth sharks get off on it.
The possibilities for communication and advancement for both races is great. We must make sure that we don’t make enemies of these visitors. Because seriously, we just don’t have the defense capabilities for piano tie wearing sharks. While the scientists should be secretly working on anti-mullet wearing shark technology, we must also learn to get along with our new hair metal glam band shark allies.
Fist of all, I imagine sharks don’t enjoy handshakes, due to lack of thumbs, or other fingers. Also, they can’t walk, so as a show of gratitude we should invent some sort of hover technology. Most importantly, we can’t look down on these sharks for being technologically inferior to us. Just because they still think shoulder pads in suits and Michael Jackson are cool, doesn’t make them ignorant or less special than us non-shark. I mean, seriously, can’t we all just get along?
