Television news programs often run surveys where they invite their viewing audience to participate in some silly poll by texting their opinions (at 99 cents per message) to the number they provide.
Then the news programs show the results and you can see how stupid other Americans are – fortunately, these results have no bearing on national politics,
The results of a survey usually look like this:
60% of Americans think we should drop a nuclear bomb on Luxembourg
20% think we should bomb New Zealand
15% have no opinion
To show you how dumb Americans can be, 15% of the people spent 99 cents just to say that they have no opinion.
*Note – the results never add up to 100%, which means that the remaining people sent a text to the wrong number and never even intended to vote.
That got me thinking about statistics and how misleading they can be.
I have had five serious relationships in my life (also called (“girlfriends”), and I’m going to use them in my survey.
Here’s how a man determines if he is in a serious relationship:
1. Go to your bathroom. If it is utterly disgusting, congratulations, you are single. If your bathroom is spotless, proceed to step 2.
2. Look in your sock drawer. If your socks are missing are have been replaced by women’s underwear, then you are in a serious relationship.
*Note – if there are women’s underwear in your sock drawer, AND your bathroom is disgusting, then you are a transvestite.
Anyway, so I’m using the five women I have had a serious relationship with and myself as the respondents in my survey. Keeping with the basic theory of statistics, which states that the people being polled are reflective of society and the percentages will remain the same no matter how small the poll is, the five women in my poll equal all the women in the country, and I am speaking for all the men.
Therefore:
40% of women are left-handed
40% of women are natural red-heads
80% of women have blue eyes
20% of women have cheated while 0% of men have
100% of women have slept with me
20% of women would sleep with me again
100% of women are American citizens
60% of women were born in California
0% of women were born in New York
100% of men were born in New York
That’s my survey. As you can plainly see, the results are misleading. I mean, there’s no way that 40% of women are natural redheads.
