Introduction To Subtle Manipulation (place them where you need them).
Disclaimer: Don’t let the title fool you I didn’t write this for you to enhance your con game. This article was written as a way to gear your thinking to become more people oriented, as with anything of course you can take advantage of the knowledge I am giving but remember Karma has away of taking care of these things.
When you do anything in life the first thing I hope you would do is seek to improve you advantages for success. The professional gamblers call this playing the odds. So the first question is how do we play the odds to our favor, by gaining information. In this world information is power the more you know the more responsibility/accountability you have to effect change. I will attempt to teach you just that, to bring the odds to your favor, this is a daily routine of habits and practices I urge you to develop to gain a winning upper hand on the masses.
The three factors that play into Manipulation of any sort are human nature, environment and timing. I will discuss all three in short detail and how to apply them.
In human nature there is a guiding principles that you must remember and it goes like this either they want to be like you or they want you to be more like them. Failure to achieve either result is enough to cause negative feelings in the average person. So how do we over come this, get ready to take out your pen and paper or push print. You will have to become the alpha personality to lead 75 % that will follow you, or become the mirror to mimic the 25% of the people that will have influence over you. When I read other books and articles on this I hear similar words but what the heck does this mean or better yet what does it look like in action. Alpha personality are the go getters, the people that tend to find themselves in power position (the ability to move people and things) don’t confuse this with a supervisor, manger or administrator although they can be connect they are not always. All you need for this is the ability to influence, in subtle ways to add up to the outcome you need and yes this often include the people that are supposedly above you. The best points of influence are the ability to listen, ask question (remember you can get almost anything you want by asking the right question) and sympathize. In this world its sympathy and common understanding that builds love quicker than anything else.
We are comfortable with that we are familiar, in other words we fear the unknown, so you have 10 mins to prove you are human, 20 mins to show some linking similarity or common history, 7 to 10 hours to build comfort/trust. If you appeal to self-interest or install a since of importance you will gain compliance every time. So with this said these are the rules to gain the upper hand on human nature. 1) Gather the information because it’s not what you know its what you can prove. Learn what makes them tick this includes habits, routines goals, interest and lifestyle. The more you know about a person the better you are equipped to influence them. 2) Plan, plan, plan. It was once said that a person with out a plan is just dreaming, plus what good is the information with out an objective. You must know what you want and the best way to get it and learn to move everyone to your desired strong point. It’s like using your pawn piece on a chessboard. This includes the use of scripts, with the planned wording (having the right words to say is priceless and its half the manipulation), actions, expected outcome and most important a contingency plan just in case a monkey wrench is slipped in the original plan. Snap shot, which I will cover more in environmental factors. Point of influence who will do what and when, which I will be cover more in timing, but for now one example I tend to use is to find the influencer of other people and move them to move their followers. 3) Execute it’s not what you know, its what you do with what you know. In order to execute appropriately it take practice and contraire to popular belief it’s not practice that makes perfect but perfect practice that makes perfect. Learn to see others the way they see you. Body language, conviction and choice of words goes a long way. I tend to practice in the mirror to deliver words like a politician, control facial expression like an actor and maintain the graceful presence of a minister. The goal in you execution is to maintain the 5 to 1 rule; this is when you keep tabs on your points on meaningful positive interactions that works towards your agenda you want to keep 5 positives to every 1 negative interaction. For every positive they do it wipes out a positive you did. However, you must always out number them to keep the advantage, you want the since that they owe you one. Your positives will be in the area of the five senses.
As human we go towards pleasure and flee from pain. So you objective with 5 to1 is to attempt to please the 5 senses taste- I always keep sugar free candy around and know the best restaurants just for this purpose, not to mention I was the morning doughnut guy at work when I didn’t come in people noticed. Smell, when you smell good people want to be around you and a light fresh scent in the car or office does wonders to calm and make even an angry boss pleasant. Sight, appearance is 85% of all feelings towards things so it is in the presentation. I was taught that in order to draw people towards things make them a spectacle. Last but not least sound, pleasing words, calming music all plays into making a lasting impression on others. It is important to note that the senses could be used equally well to repeal people when you uses the 5 to 1 rule in reverse. The keynote to remember is the person that appeals to the greatest needs and wants the fastest wins.
It’s the unforeseen that causes chaos, so attempt to control as much interaction and environmental factors as you can. Note A proven ability to influence the outcome goes a long way to build allies. So the person that can adapt the quickest controls the game.
In environment the person that can avoid the distractions the best has the advantage. Always attempt to control your environment and appearance from home court (your place of comfort) to the attire that’s going to get your point across. The angle here is when they are in your environment they are dependant and you are in control from everything to from time spent to conversation topics. Second what your wear determines your position no matter what titles and rank are in play. For me I love to work from a script so anytime I can send an email that I have time to construct form using the 5 to 1 method, or leave an msg using the 5 to 1 method I do. Also this lends me the ability to arrange meetings on home court where I have the advantage. Another point to make is I always dress slightly above the occasion with a little something on to grab attention for networking possibilities.
Remember it’s a game of illusions; paint the picture you want them to see. Your cubicle, car, office, facebook page and even your shoes all give a mental snapshot (snap shot: the little things we see that gives a conclusion on the big picture) When you start applying this method you will see why this is important. As a manipulator I always look for the common ground to appeal to, for example if my child ways selling candy for school and as it will become the case, I am selling the candy for them, I will seek out the people with picture of their kids up in their office or cubicles or in public, the people with kids with them or a car seat that’s visible or toys in the car, in other words the people with the common ground and understanding, it’s almost always an ensured sell. When I started to notice what I was doing I started to reduce the angles that manipulators could approach me at. For example my office quickly became a Feng Shui of company policy, logos and inspirational quotes with no real snapshots or insights about who I really am. One could only conclude that I am a inspirational person that really loves his company, the exact message I wanted to send. All ways appeal to the greater good the source of power first (hence the company policy), the majority second (hence the inspirational quotes). Learn to appeal to the lowest common denominator in most cases this is just the ability to make each person feel good about them self, the best way to start this is to get in the habit of approaching people during the good times and avoiding the negative situations.
Image is everything, never ever get caught messing with other people’s Money/property, honor/ego or love ones/friends, because these are the items that make for life long enemies. The frame of mind you will want to keep is that there are eyes and ears everywhere and I do mean everywhere, so reduce the things that make others complain and never create a situation you would hate to explain. This includes never ever picking sides in a battle, joining a click or giving your unwanted opinion. The positive about this is it works both ways anytime you need to send out a positive message tell someone else in their circle or gain a good reputation by getting that photo opportunity (refer to snapshots) by doing something that will benefit yourself and others in the long run.
Timing- the two things you will always be judge on in your life is your preciseness and your ability to problem solve. With this said the one irreplaceable resource we have is time so any situation you can save someone time, money or energy you are ahead of the game.
Never talk about your agenda or true self. The rule of thumb your words are used to uplift others, convey that you are on the same page with superiors and gain information. Idol chit chat brings down fall, allow them to do all the talking. Kids and fool only get as much information as needed. All the others get the plan picture you painted, you get the point.
There is a time and place for everything. As earlier stated there are three things that can make an instant enemy well here is two that can ruin a moment or destroy a first impression. 1st a perceived threat, here let me introduce to the new neighborhood stud or the guy that knows your job better than you. 2nd disrespect of the heart and mind these are the hidden thoughts that you will never know you offended til it’s to late. I once made the mistake of trying to talk to one of our CEO’s about an ideal to increase employee out put during an office party he was neither receptive to my ideals or my conversation in fact I had established a 1 to 5 communication with him. So practice the art of right time right place, the rule of thumb never discuss business out side of business or personal information, yours or anyone else inside the business. I have learned over the years that if you told one person, three others will know by the end of that day.
Point of influence, the two ways influence is gain is by inclusion (our need to belong and be loved) or force (laws, rules and physical force). For this Introduction and sake of time we will concentrate on Inclusion. In our society the majority determines 50% of what is considered truth. For good reason very few want to be the odd man out, so it is often we practice safe rebellion in very small ways. I mentioned early how I seek out the people that already have influence, to do a lot of the groundwork for me. However, before this process happens there is a starting point, do you remember the saying when In Rome do as the Romans do this is a true statement our society is not to excepting of quick or large change. So first step master your environment gather the info what is expectable what is not, who is the influencer, who is the black sheep, who is the spy for the powers that be, etc. You must first fit in before you can influence. 2nd you must be respected in some form in order to carry influence. Without a doubt the best form of respect is the one that comes from charisma (making others feel good) and charm (sexually charged attention) the step cousins of love. One would think love is but since love is such an uncontrollable emotion, it would also makes for uncontrollable influence.
In life we judge a person to be positive when they give more than they take for this reason a person that frequently gives gifts will always have allies. Last rule just like you must first be lovable in order to be loved, you most also be perceived to be influential in order to influence, it’s the age old fine art of lending control. One of are biggest fears is lack of control. So lending control is the ability to never openly challenge or force only questions and thoughts that allow them to come to the conclusion you needed them to. It’s arranging their choices for a better outcome. Thus placing them where you need them. This has been the Introduction to subtle manipulation. Please look out for chapter one coming soon.
