Could there be a more practical debate than one addressing the question of whether men should be allowed to become pregnant? I think not!
This question is of great importance to me, as a man whose biological clock is ticking. Like all men my age, I have been just itching to get pregnant, and deliver a child. What could be more natural than that? Yet, for some reason it just does not seem to be working, and the only logical conclusion is that male pregnancy must be against the law. After all, were male pregnancy and childbirth legal, surely this would be possible for me, as it has been for so many men before me.
As with all of the most heinous laws constructed by humankind, it’s reasonable to assume that some special interest group has corrupted the democratic process, and made male childbirth unlawful. I feel there are two potential culprits to these shenanigans. The first potential culprit is: women. Yes, they may look innocent – and they certainly put on a show of seeming to be all physiologically prepared for pregnancy and childbirth, and everything – but this whole female pregnancy thing has just completely gone to their heads. This must stop!
Women maintain all of the power in our relationships with them, because they’re constantly able to hold above our heads the fact that they’re legally permitted to become pregnant and give birth, yet we’re not. They see us looking on, jealously, as they grow another human inside their bodies. They know that, should nature have its way, we would be the ones carrying the unborn. But they slink off into their luxurious public bathrooms, and laugh maniacally (or womaniacally?) at our plight.
Yet, despite the evil intent these women must have, preventing us men from doing our natural duty, there is, perhaps, an even more powerful special interest group keeping us down. This dastardly group is made up of obstetrician/gynecologists. However, it must be stated that, with so many OBGYN’s being male, it is unlikely that we, downtrodden men, are the objects of their ire. No, it must be the rival doctors, those who specifically treat male reproductive issues, known as “arfocologists,” that the OBGYN’s are fighting. Should men be given their natural rights to give birth, then the OBGYN’s could never compete with the OBARF’s, and therefore, the OBGYN’s conspire to keep male pregnancy from occurring. Yet, it also seems reasonable to believe that the OBGYN’s greatest interest would lie in becoming a consolidated group, the OBGYNARF’s, rather than competing with them directly. So perhaps, this is not the guilty party after all.
Therefore, the only reasonable conclusion is that women are the driving force behind anti-male pregnancy laws. So men, as one, we must say to all the women out there, “We love you, ladies, but please just let us get pregnant once in a while!”
