While doing research to write a composition on the composition of air, I made the mistake of asking Dr. Gimbal Glosspan , the British Specialist in Atmospheric Compounds, while we were at the hot air balloon show in New Mexico, what the constituents of air were. He expostulated that, ” air is made up mostly of protein, specifically a fibrous protein called keratin. He went on to explain that, “the middle and most important part of the air shaft is the cortex, where protein plays an important role”. He was yelling this confused response while standing under the input, known as the throat, to the monstrous nylon balloon that he was prepping for a ride up into the stratosphere.
Now, a very basic scientific principle is that warmer air rises in cooler air. Essentially, hot air is lighter than cool air, because it has less mass per unit of volume. A cubic foot of air weighs roughly an ounce . If you heat that air by 100 degrees F, it weighs about 7 grams less. Therefore, each cubic foot of air contained in a hot air balloon can lift about 7 grams. That’s not much, and this is why hot air balloons are so huge – to lift 1,000 pounds, you need about 65,000 cubic feet of hot air. But at the rapidity of Professor Glosspan’s discourse, which ran on at a rate belying the physics of the tongue, and provided me no opportunity to interrupt, the hot air started filling the balloon..
Although I noticed this briefly, what I noticed more was that, the 21% of oxygen that the atmosphere is composed of was insufficient to sustain the both of us and, before I could ask him if nitrogen, without which the ‘air he was talking about would not have the protein it needed, and composes 78% of the air I was talking about, could be fixated into the soil by other plants besides legumes, consciousness left me.
While experiencing a preternatural feeling of buoyancy, I dreamt of methane, at 1783 parts per billion, swirling with CO2, lit up by trace amounts of neon-flashing, illuminating the other components of Argon, Xenon, and Krypton – which, thanks to Superman comics, flashed red green and yellow- like the little light bulbs on Motel signs.
Meanwhile atoms of Helium and Hydrogen were cavorting like baby tiger cubs.
By the time the professor revived me, all thought of asking him anything further were banished from my head as I peered over the side of the basket and saw only cloud formations
So I thanked him for his air-brained answer and prayed for a safe landing.
