Self esteem is a key element of confidence. If we truly have self esteem it means that we have learned to value ourselves as individuals and have a sense of freedom from the critical observations of others.
Much self esteem is gathered, or not gathered, from our childhood experiences and how our main carers treated and appreciated us. If the people who we depended on for love and guidance didn’t show us the care which we needed we are likely to grow up into individuals who have a low self esteem.
Even though this is so, it is possible to step over the boundaries of a disappointing childhood into a more confidant adulthood, although it is fair to say that we need help along the way.
We can gain self esteem in many different ways. Our skills and talents can earn us recognition and support which can help us to feel valued by others. We may judge how ‘acceptable’ and ‘talented’ we are from the response which others give us.
When we have true self esteem, however, we also have a clearer picture of the ‘real’ us. We know what our good and bad points are and are less shakable than those who have a low self esteem or who are still attempting to build a solid self esteem.
A way of building self esteem which need not rely on the opinions of others is to over-come a personal challenge. Setting goals to achieve that which we most desire and taking steps to do so can propel individuals along the path to self esteem.
This is because, not only do others judge us and so have an influence on us, but we also judge ourselves by looking at other people. If we observe that not very many people can climb a mountain and that it takes great skill and then we emerge at the summit we feel proud.
Pride, as well as being the down-fall of some, is an important part of self esteem. We only have to see how our self esteem plummets when it isn’t yet strong and we are judged harshly by another to know that this is so.
When real self esteem is established we know that we have worth. We no-longer allow others to treat us badly and we expect, and so receive, more in life. Very often individuals who are often treated badly by others as adults are already suffering from a low self esteem which leads them into further confidence stripping situations.
This can lead to a circle of experiences which are hard to remove oneself from, as each situation leads to less and less self esteem and we ‘put up’ with more and more.
Getting away from this cycle is possible but requires courage and support.
