Are Introverts really shy? Read any article or book mentioning introverts and the topic of shyness consistently appears. This trait seems tightly wound with introversion, and how these are linked puts introverts at a disadvantage. It attaches a social stigma to being introverted that requires an adjustment. Let’s take a closer look at both traits. Characteristics of introverts include a detached contemplative attitude, enjoyment of solitude and privacy, and a desire to think things out before talking about them. Introverts direct their energy towards inner experiences and reflection and have less energy available for the outer world, which can mistakenly be perceived as shyness. Extraverts, on the other hand, direct their energy out and are generally viewed as sociable.
Shyness is defined as having discomfort or inhibition in interpersonal situations and is a form of excessive self-focus. According to the Shyness Clinic, it is a shrinking back from life that weakens the bonds of human connection. Um, that does not seem like a positive connotation for introverts. The cognitive factors of shyness include fear of looking foolish, negative beliefs about the self, worry and feeling worthless. Although shyness and introversion are typically related, there are also shy extroverts who do well socially but privately are shy, especially in unstructured or intimate situations. While shyness is not introvert exclusive, it is the burden society has placed on introvert’s shoulders.
So the distinction between introversion and shyness is nuanced. Both share the perception of being quiet or reserved in social situations, however, for introverts this might be a result of internally processing information before speaking while shy people are just feeling extremely self-conscious. It would appear that confidence and self-esteem are factors that distinguish the difference between the two. So why are introverts considered shy? Perhaps rapid-fire conversation and a lack of thoughtful replies are more valued in our society. Introverts tendency towards turning inward to review over information and process events are viewed as negative social cues.
But the social cues for introversion and shyness are different. How to tell the difference? Look for physical cues such as trembling, sweating, lack of eye contact to identify shyness. Shy individuals need people to reach out to them to help draw them in the conversation and feel more at ease. Reassurance and positive regard will help them overcome nervousness and open up. Introverts, on the other hand, just need the time to thoughtfully reply. How to help introverts? Give the space in conversation by pausing and letting them formulate their reply. This can prove valuable because introverts, as abstract thinkers in the world of ideas and concepts, can contribute a richer meaning to discussions and identify new levels of understanding. They just need that extended pause. Finally, positive regard goes a long way in any type of communication and helping understand one another a little better.
