Fear
As long as we have self, as long as I think about “I” as a separate entity, there will be fear. This is not the fear of being bitten by the ferocious dog down the street but it is the psychological fear of loneliness, the fear of death. There cannot be “fear of the unknown.” There is fear of losing that which is known.
These two fears (death and loneliness) have their own children, namely; opposition, suffering, anxiety, competitiveness, jealousy, hate, ambition. There is no such a thing as “healthy competitiveness” as there is no such a thing as “healthy hate.” Negativity stands as what it is even when wearing the dress of nice words.
These fears exist in the realm of becoming and being. Our thoughts are feeding fear because while we feel fear we think we are alive. We are aware of it.
The minute I would like to confront fear, I am confronting what my thoughts perceive is my own existence. Therefore, I run away. I let myself become busy in trivial things, in running around from one place to the other. I cannot control my thoughts. This idea of “self,” the perception of it with all its relationships is creating an insurmountable attachment, which I consider “normal,” “healthy.”
I cannot stay alone. I cannot observe myself in silence; I cannot let my thoughts rest at peace. I can only conquer fear when I die. But then, I fear death.
This is not the fear of falling from the 15th floor of some building, but the fear of not being there, of not being here, of not existing. The fear of losing everything which I have accumulated including property, relationships, knowledge, habits, etc. I fear death because when those things are gone, then “I” which I know, which brings me security, will be gone.
When and If I obtain the courage to confront my fears, when I think, “I can do it” then at that moment I pursue fear as an enemy. I have not understood the cause of fear. I just understand that I suffer. With this limited one-sided understanding, I will hurt myself even further because I will try to conquer my thoughts, my thoughts of fear with further thoughts; thoughts of confrontation. It is sort of like pretending to extinguish fire with fire.
Our own thoughts are our worse enemy.
Fear has its root in body consciousness. The medicine is knowledge. The patient must not think about the medicine but rather must take it. If the patient does not take the medicine, how valuable the medicine can be? We may have the best medicine in the world given by the best surgeon, however; if we don’t experience it by taking it, we will claim: “that medicine doesn’t work.” “It is just a belief.”
Knowledge is: We are spiritual beings. We are eternal spiritual beings. We crave for silence. We crave for peace. How hard is it to sit in stillness? How hard is it to observe my thoughts, to slow down their speed, to gently let them go through my mind, to let them go by as clouds in the sky? How hard is it to feel rather than to think?
As we think with words, as we put a word, a label to everything, our mind will deal with the petty details jumping from one word to the other, trying to find solutions, right words, right definitions, descriptions, but magically in this process the practice of looking at, of observing at of becoming aware of, disappears.
I will find peace when there are no words in my mind, no labels but just feelings. My thoughts will be my feelings. Can we take this prescription at least once a day before breakfast?
This world offers uncertainty. Anything could happen any time. There is no guaranteed. Knowledge tells me that I the soul, is performing an unlimited, predestined role, just like an actor. However, I am not that role. I have not selected the characteristics that make up my role. I did not select the country where I was born, my parents, my circumstances, not even “my” so called “intelligence.” Those are all part of the role. That role is recorded in “I” the soul. As I am typing these words, I am aware that I am not thinking in every word, they just come, the role is playing smoothly. The minute “I” think that “I” am doing it, the thoughts will not flow.
The soul is eternal. The part is eternal, however; I the soul am separate from the part. I can let the part flow, but I am detached from it. The part performs actions but the quality of those actions depends on “being.” I don’t do good actions. I am good, thus my actions become good. The effort is not in doing but in being.
As the soul performs its role in this repetitive world drama, in this cycle of life, I realize that nothing is new “under the sun.” I realize that things go their own way. If I, the soul become detached from that, detached from taking from the outside to the inside, then I feel “freedom.” Influences are gone. I can experience my true self. This is knowledge. Then comes acting based on experiencing this knowledge. Taking the medicine of knowledge. How an eternal soul can have fear? Fear of what? Unless this amnesia, this mirage, this illusion is making me imagine things. God himself, the purifier is the eternal surgeon which brings the medicine of soul consciousness in our lives. Very few will dare to take it. That is their fortune.
Fear is in our thoughts. It is an illusion. With knowledge I don’t need to just “deal with it” but I can get rid of it. I don’t need to oppose to it, but to understand it so it is gone.
Loneliness is that opportunity to get acquainted with I the soul and to build a relationship with God. There is no other way. I need to know myself in order to know God. It is simple, but difficult.
