Death is not a four letter word.
Language is fascinating. People have 5 basic senses; sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. Where does language fit in? We use language to communicate our experience of these five basic senses. We communicate with ourselves as well as with others.
Just think of your intuitive response to the word “Mother”. Some of us will feel love and experience a physical sense of security. Others will feel anger and a physical sense of despair. Each of us has programmed our individual experience of the word “mother” into our five senses using language as a key. Our response is unique to our experience.
Why then, does the word “Death” have such a universal response? Why is death considered a four letter word, a taboo topic quickly brushed aside? Some people physically take a step backwards when confronted with the word, as if creating some distance will protect them from being tainted with death. Speaking openly and directly about death is generally thought to bring bad luck, like a black cat that crosses your path. We don’t really believe in all of that, but we may as well be careful!
Notice your own response to reading the word “Death”. What do you feel emotionally, physically and mentally? How have you chosen these responses? Are they dictates of your society, religion, language and background? How much of your response is your own?
Because grief and bereavement are the universal responses to the death experience, death continues to be defined using the language of the living, a terminology which reinforces this basic fear of death.
Webster’s English Dictionary defines grief as intense mental anguish; deep remorse, acute sorrow or the like (from the middle English greven, from Old French grever, from Latin gravre to oppress, weigh upon, from gravis, heavy, weighty).
With that bias, is it still possible to have a positive grief experience? Can we re-frame our responses to allow ourselves to feel joy and happiness when faced with the death of a loved one? Can we attain and maintain different perspectives to enable this?
Death is just a word, and if you count the letters, there are more than four. We each have the ability to examine our automatic responses to everything. When we say the sky is blue, how many shades of blue do we see? Have you ever stopped to count them? The human eye is capable of seeing thousands of shades of blue, yet in our haste to experience, we over generalize and miss out on all the hues. Such is our experience of death and grief.
In our programmed response, we forget the endless possibilities offered to us in our grief. By concentrating on the despair and anguish, we block out the blessings and joy. One response does not negate the other; simply put, the more responses available to you, the richer your experience. We can choose to be narrow minded and restricted in our grief, or we can choose to experience the endless spectrum of choice.
Death and bereavement offer us the opportunity for personal growth, a chance for developing our inner selves. Through our grief experiences, we can learn what really matters in life.
