It is very easy to be perceived as being an abuser without even knowing it. That sounds a little off the wall I am sure but bear with me as I try and explain.
Many people who are abusers deny the fact often. A lot of times they are denying the fact because they really don’t see what they are doing or how their actions are being construed. Verbal abusers are some of the worst for this.
Often times when people are stressed or depressed, they will say things to someone to “get them from nagging”, or “to make them feel as bad”. They will do things like calling someone names or using derogatory remarks about their family or background. Maybe even tell them how stupid they are or how ugly. These are all things a verbal abuser may say. If you they find there words are not generating enough pain they will escalate their verbal assault and use worse words and phrases until they get the desired effect. Normally the desired effect is the abused person breaking down in tears or running to someone for help.
An emotional abuser is as bad and works much the same way. The difference if this person usually feels guilty about something he or she did and tries through accusations to make the abused person feel it is there fault. You know, they start out, “You don’t love me”, “You never cared”, then their words will escalate to the point that they are shredding your emotions. You are a sissy, you are lame , you can’t love, so and so is better than you, why don’t you act like her/him. The end is limitless and we have all at one point or time seen it.
The thing to remember about both emotional and verbal abuse is that they tend to go together. They are pretty much synonymous with one another. I am reminded of some words I once read. It is not what goes into mans mouth that defile a man but rather what comes out. Because what comes out of a persons mouth comes from the heart.
It is much easier to forgive and help someone who is a physical abuser because it is easy for them to tell they have done something wrong. Verbal and emotional abusers usually don’t think they have done anything wrong. “So what, I said some stuff. I got over being angry and never laid a hand on you”!
I in no way intend to infer that physical abuse is the best of the three. There is no excuse for abuse. Physical abuse is very bad because it tends to escalate. Normally an abuser of this type will start out with some shoves or something of that nature. Over time they will let their anger escalate to the point they use a greater force and maybe break some bones or worse, kill someone. If a person even feels they may be an abuser, especially physical, they should seek some counseling.
Usually abuse is brought on by ones own social problems. It can be brought on or even aggravated by physical conditions as well. Though most people tend to get frustrated in this fast paced lifestyle we call society. To much traffic, the cost of things,the lack of ability to pay debts. These are but a few of the things that can eat at a person and cause them to lash out and become abusive to someone. Though be it normally someone who is near and dear. Domestic situations are where most of these types of abusers do their best work. They take everything out on the family rather than dealing with it another way.
