What does sex mean to you? Is it a good time, do you feel as though you are closer to someone, creating intimacy, is it a digression away from real intimacy because you have been hurt, are you taking what you can from it to hurt someone else, is it a way to make a living, or an escape from the pressures of it? If you do not know what sex means to you expect to continue to be consumed by it for the rest of your life. If you do not know why you are using alternatives to sex, pornography, strip clubs, platonic relationships, as a way to run from dealing with the issues surrounding why you are not pursuing sex; fear of the repercussions of infidelity, fear of asking the one you are with for what you want from sex, fear of being alone, you will continue to be held captive by sex.
Sex can only take over your life if you let it; if you have been brainwashed into thinking that you “need” sex to affirm or validate you, or to get rid of some physical “itch” that is really the symptom of deeper intimacy issues you have already walked down the lonely road of sexual addiction. Are you going to allow the embarrassment of a double life continue to shame you into forgoing healthy relationships with people you love just to get a quick fix, to which there is no real end to? Are you really experimenting with sex and trying out new things, or are you bored by it and trying to take it to that “other level”? We all, on some level, consumed by sex to some extent; some of choose to own up to it others are just out of control and are willing to get what they want regardless of what it will cost them. Sex is a mindless activity we can engage in and depart from the psychological burden we carry around with us by which we can relax and just let go.
Sex can also be an eye-opening, naked, humiliating type of experience when things do not go right. In order to take back control over our sexual lives we try to place ourselves into situations where we feel as though we are in control and are content with allowing enough of ourselves to peek through where we loose control to an extent, but not enough to form true intimacy. We accept or trade favors for sex, we engage in relationships outside of those we are truly in love with, just to terminate them when that other person gets close enough to us to see who we truly are, we use the media of sex for instant gratification as it is a disposable form of entertainment, and we don’t care who we hurt on the other side; forgetting that true people with real feelings reside there. Stop accepting compromises, practice communicating your needs with that other person instead of running away to someone or something else, be upfront about what you need and desire. Find other activities to engage in to strengthen the relationship other than sex. When the role sex plays in your life decreases, and it’s tentacles are not suffocating you, one will truly be able to experience it for all that it truly has to offer, and you can be whole again.
