LOVE – What exactly is LOVE? How am I supposed to let go of someone I love, if I’m not even sure what love is? As for letting it go, well, I’m not sure I’ve ever had hold of it in the first place. What is love anyway? You see I thought love was my friend. I thought it was, no, IS, my BEST FRIEND.
INSECURITY – It’s one of the most terrifying emotions in existence. I know what insecurity feels like, and I’ve no doubt what so ever, ,I have it. Is it a disease? Perhaps it’s a bacterial infection, and by simply taking some sort of antibiotic, it will just, go away. Then again, maybe it won’t. What I do know is; I don’t trust love. Trust must be missing. I suppose I need to let go of love, because they say, “If you LOVE, let love go. If love comes back to you, it’s yours. If love does not return, it was never yours to begin with.”
FEAR – I have this, too. Fear causes me to lack faith. FAITH is the opposite of FEAR. FAITH is better. I know this, too. The problem is, my fear is overwhelming my faith, and now, all I can hear are insecurity, fear, and faith, loudly arguing in my every thought.
How do I know when I’ve had enough of love, especially, this love? This isn’t how love is supposed to be. I’ve never believed love to be effortless, nor am I seeking perfection from love. Did the floor just give way beneath my feet? It’s as though I’m drowning. Oh, if I could just remember, to simply breathe.
Perhaps I need to search Google for a book entitled, “Recognizing The Signs: Your Life As You Knew It, Is OVER.” If not, maybe one called, “So You’ve Finally Decided To Let Go Of Love…Now, Just DO IT!” I’ll begin my search immediately.
You see, the problem I’m having is in deciding whether, or not, I’m done. Loving another more than I love my own self is no longer my primary focus. That sort of behavior wasn’t successful in the past, nor is it successful in the present. This isn’t working for me anymore. I need to focus on self-improvement. I’ve neglected myself for far too long. You see, I’m moving forward, and quickly. It’s not that I’m selfish. As a matter of fact, I’m usually, selfless. It’s just that, I’m changing, and growing. I’m thinking differently now, with more maturity, and more responsibility, as well.
Love, at least loving another more than I love myself, often times places me in harms way. I can’t be in harms way, because I don’t much care for harm. I don’t want harm; rather, I NEED security. There’s a great deal of difference between WANT, and NEED, you know. I want the love of another, however, at the present time, I need to love myself, more. Now what?
GUILT – Could guilt be another of God’s humorous gifts to humans? Guilt. I have this, too. I have too much of this emotion. Do I really need guilt? Is guilt a form of self-torture? I believe it is, though, maybe I’m wrong. Perhaps guilt is the emotion keeping me committed to love. Maybe it’s fear. Maybe it’s insecurity, then again, could something still be missing?
TRUST – Where is trust anyway? I don’t have trust. I definitely know what trust is, and I assure you, I don’t have trust at this time. How can it be I have insecurity, fear, and guilt, and yet faith, love, and trust are absolutely nowhere to be found? Where has trust been all along? Maybe, if I’d paid closer attention, trust wouldn’t be lost.
So, how do you let go of someone you love? I’ve no doubt about it; faith, and trust, have the answer. Sadly, they’re simply nowhere to be found.
