Isn’t it curious that I hardly know any of the people living inside my head? Even if I did it would make no difference. They are an unruly group most of the time, uninterested in me and always fighting over who takes center stage. Being an innocent bystander, I am usually forced to accept the character who just happens to have their arm tightly round my shoulder whenever I present my nervous face to that press conference we call life.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking: If this guy has people living inside his head he is in urgent need of therapy or, at the very least, an eviction order.
Worry not, reader. This author is perfectly sane and harmless but he does have a point to make.
We ARE at the mercy of our moods, urges and neuroses most of the time. Think of when the clock strikes midnight at New Year. I wonder how many people at that moment are resolved to quit smoking, drinking, picking their nose etc, only for that resolve to be bundled out of the way ten minutes later by another more thuggish character, this one wholly unimpressed by resolve and all its pretensions: Hell, I’ll quit smoking and drinking tomorrow. Now let’s party.
The next morning I open my eyes only to find that self-pity has taken center stage. I think for a moment about my weakness and the inevitability of my plans crashing and burning before they reach the first corner then depression sets in: Can I ever be the master of my own house?
Sure I can. The timid ‘I’ among all this noisy crowd is willpower (actually it’s more complicated than that, but willpower is how it can manifest itself). I stand aside, powerless, because I’ve become so used to being pushed around. I’ve forgotten that it’s MY house, MY show.
Confidence is just one of the many characters jostling (often unsuccessfully) for the limelight and if we want confidence to stick by us through thick and thin then the way to achieve it is by deciding who we want to stay and who just HAS to go (this ‘head full of people’ metaphor has worked quite well, I think, so we’ll use it on through to the end).
We have a battle on our hands and we should be prepared to be knocked on our ass quite often before we begin to get respect. If someone ever tells you that bringing some sort of order to a normal, everyday mind is straightforward and quick then rest assured they’re talking through their… well, you know.
Confidence is a two-faced character. When out front, unopposed, it will lead us wherever we want to go. Nothing, it seems, can stop it, or us following on behind (remember our confident New Year predictions). Yet it can easily be bullied into submission and forced to run off and hide, reluctant to come out for fear of ridicule. It can be, in fact, a complete wimp. The answer lies in getting rid of the principal bullies: Self-doubt and its sycophantic henchman, self-pity. If we kick their asses then we can give confidence a free run and who knows where it will take us.
Self-doubt only knows two words: What if? There’s nothing wrong with the question per se, in fact we must ask it often. The problems come when we can’t stop asking it or imagining the answer. We end up traveling down all manner of dark alley and driving ourselves just a little bit mad in the process by imagining all sorts of highly unlikely (but nasty) possibilities and consequences.
No, we’ve just got to be tough. If self-doubt assails us we must learn to hear it out and decide whether it has a point. If it doesn’t (as is usually the case) we must show it the door and be ruthless in doing so. If we don’t then self-pity will twist our arms up our backs and make us cry. Once that happens then nothing will be possible. If we conquer self-doubt then confidence will come out again and the rest, as the man said, will be gravy.
It’s not easy, certainly, but it is very possible, and when our route is clear and free from distractions then we can really get things done and make some sort of stab at living this life that is, don’t forget, irritatingly short in duration.
And what can we see through this, admittedly, dense forest of metaphors? We can see that confidence is there in all of us and it’s up to ourselves whether it has room to work. WE decide what we do and how we do it. If we doubt that and begin to blame circumstance or other people for our own personal limitations or timidity then we are simply making excuses and taking the easy way out. Perhaps the easy way is not always the right way.
