If the stereotypical assumptions about the British were all true, then most of us here in these islands would “grin and bear it,” “take it on the chin,” and “keep a stiff upper lip” when coping with criticism. As with all stereotypes, this belief is totally erroneous, for whether a person is British, Bahamian, or hails from Zambia, criticism can often hurt. It can feel like an assault on personal integrity, character, personality, intelligence, appearance, all manner of any individual’s attributes or circumstances. Altering one’s perception of criticism is one of the best ways to cope.
In order to do this, the person being criticised needs to consider the following issues in a clear and rational way. Not always easy, if that person feels hurt or threatened. But it can be done, with a positive approach and some self-belief.
1# Who is criticising? This could be any number of significant people such as partner, mother, child, friend, boss or colleague.
2# What is being criticised? That could be work, attire, attitude, behavior, anything in fact that causes someone to speak out critically.
3# How do they deliver the criticism? Often, words are said in the heat of the moment or in a jocular fashion. They may come as stern orders, or as a complete put-down. They may also be said kindly, but are still critical.
4# How true is the criticism? Consider whether a comment about anything at all has a grain of truth in it.
Examine those questions honestly with a view to understanding just exactly what is happening and why any criticism has been offered. Realize that nobody is perfect, not you or the critical person, but that criticism is neither always bad nor meant to be hurtful. Believe in your self-worth and ask yourself if the criticism can be turned to your advantage. For example, if your partner is critical of your attitude, use this as an opportunity to sit down and really communicate. You have reasons for any particular attitude – express them and reach understanding.
Similarly, if a colleague or friend criticises what you are wearing, ask them what they honesty think is wrong with it. Take it as a way to exchange views, tastes and opinions, a chance for you to be open and assertive. If your boss criticises your work, again seek clarification and honest feedback. If you do not like the way any form of criticism is delivered, say so, clearly, unemotionally and assertively. Mothers are great at criticising, usually motivated by a desire for what is best for their child – you. They rarely mean to hurt, but check out with them what is behind any comment or implied criticism. Communicate.
Coping with criticism is about being honest with yourself, trying to understand others and having self belief. But the best and most powerful way of coping is to see criticism in a different light. Think positively about it. Think feedback “the breakfast of champions” as my boss used to tell me. Take it and use it to help you learn and grow, sure in the knowledge that you may not be perfect, but you are a very good learner.
