For most people, expressing anger in a healthy way is extremely difficult. The tendency for most is to just explode and rant on, often injecting irrelevant things into the anger. This seems to intensify the original cause for the anger, and self-control goes out the window.
To some extent, it does help to simply go for a walk/jog, or get really busy doing something that will take your mind off of the anger. But, these are only temporary measures. Until the anger is addressed, it will smolder inside and grow out of proportion.
The following are some questions that one needs to ask themselves when dealing with their own anger.
First, am I justified in being angry over this situation? If yes, then the issue needs to be addressed. Is the anger directed at a person, a group, a situation in life, or is it anger with “self”?
It is important to distinguish where the anger is directed. We can deal with individual anger at another person. Simply state the cause of the anger and work out a means of resolving it. Depending on who the person is, how important they are in your life and whether or not they are actually an integral part of who you are, the choice is to resolve the matter amicably or to part ways. It comes down to a matter of forgive and forget, or dissolve the relationship.
If your anger is directed at a particular group, again, it would depend on what benefit this group brings to your life. For example, if it is a group of people you work with, it is best to resolve the conflict that caused the anger if keeping your job is important.
If you are angry over a business dealing (also considered a group), it is always best to pinpoint from where the cause of the anger originated. The only advantage in dealing with a business group is that you can discontinue the association with them. But first, you must consider if there are legal ramifications. One must consider if the anger stems from something one is responsible for or obligated to do, as opposed simply a difference of opinion.
When situations in life cause anger, it is more difficult to deal with it in a healthy way. To do so usually involves taking some responsibility for the situation in the first place. In a lot of cases, it relates back to the “should have, could have, would have… didn’t” syndrome which, in all likelihood, means we brought the anger on ourselves.
As there are many kinds of anger, so are there methods of controlling anger. Not to oversimplify the importance of the anger itself, we must ask ourselves in almost all situations:
1) How important is it to be angry over this situation?
2) Is my anger more important than the person it is directed toward?
3) Is my anger unreasonable considering the overall scope of the situation?
4) Am I responsible for lack of good judgment in this situation?
These questions can only be answered on an individual basis. But honesty plays a big part in the answers. Some people are able to cut someone out of their life as though they never existed. Others have a deeper sense of obligation in their relationships and are willing to find a way to get past the anger. Still others have a short fuse, no sense of obligation or responsibility for the anger, and usually have few relationships that matter.
