Domestic violence is the No. 1 cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44, according to a report by the U.S. Department of Justice, and made up 20 percent of all nonmortal injury for women over the age of 12 in 2001. Men are victims of abuse, too. The report shows that in 2001, for every five women who were abused, one man was abused. An abusive relationship may not begin violently, but there are usually signs that it’s heading in that direction. Abuse can occur either physically, sexually or emotionally, so don’t assume that just because there are no bruises, a person is not involved in an abusive relationship.
Jealousy
Your partner may constantly accuse you of having an affair, spending too much time with family and friends, or having interests that don’t include him. Your partner may follow you to work or a friend’s home, check your phone messages and expect constant accountability from you. This type of inappropriate jealousy is unhealthy in a relationship and is a warning sign of abuse.
Name Calling
Abusers break down your self-esteem by using offensive names in public and private. Your partner may try to make a joke out of calling you fat or stupid, but the intention is to make you feel inadequate. Abusers will make you the butt of their jokes and call you names.
Over-Involvement
Abusers will cause problems at your workplace, call your friends and family to talk about you or warn them away from you, change your plans for you, sell your belongings (such as your car, to make you more dependent on him), or sabotage your birth control. An abuser needs you to be dependent on him and have few or no other people in your life.
Threats
Abusers threaten physical violence toward you and your loved ones and very often follow through on it. In addition, abusers will show you a weapon or abuse pets as a way of threatening you. Threats and violence are often followed by periods of excessive apology and amends, reports Domestic Abuse Ended (DOVE, Inc.) Feeling guilty and making you feel guilty are games at which an abuser is adept.
Blame
Abusers blame their partners for their bad moods, failures, violence and threats as a way to demean them. Abusers do not take responsibility in the relationship for anything negative. Inappropriate blame is a red flag for domestic violence, according to an article at Youareatarget.com.
Ambient Abuse
Ambient abuse is a subtle form of emotional abuse, according to mental health expert Sam Vaknin, Ph.D. It manifests in a fear of your partner for no “good” reason. Your partner may challenge your ability to take care of your finances or your home. Your partner may isolate you from things like food shopping or laundry, making sure that you feel helpless. Your partner may be charming while he does this, but any argument will cause him to charm your other friends and family with lies that promote his cause. The outcome is that he will control you. Controlling, even without violence, is abuse.
About this Author
Erin Monahan is an author and editor with 25 years experience. She holds a Bachelor of Arts from Simmons College. She has written on a variety of topics including celebrity interviews, health reporting and parenting. Her work has appeared in daily newspapers, national magazines, including “Wondertime,” and on websites such as Kaboose.com. She was recently named one of the top writers in Pennsylvania.
