Domestic violence takes many forms, and abuse can be physical, emotional or sexual. The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists identifies domestic violence as one of America’s greatest health concerns and one of the most under-reported. It cites that 35 percent of adult women who seek treatment in an emergency room are there as a result of abuse. Recognizing the warning signs that someone may be an abuser prove crucial to preventing victimization.
Controlling Behavior
Abusers typically exercise control over a victim’s life in a variety of ways. Hidden Hurt, a resource for domestic violence information, outlines many ways this manifests. Abusers may make schedules, demand accountability for how and where time is spent, dictate what clothing, relationships or other personal choices are acceptable, insist on knowing all details about interactions with others, set unachievable standards for how things must be done, push stereotypical gender roles or otherwise strip a victim of independence.
Bad Temper
Abusers generally have a bad temper that can escalate to violence. Jealousy and hypersensitivity are major triggers (and significant warning signs themselves), as is perceived disobedience. As Hidden Hurt points out, though, a raging temper becomes part of a “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” personality, balanced by periods of pleasantness and kindness. The temper can show with excessive volume during arguments, throwing or breaking objects, threats, derogatory language and of course with acts of violence.
History
A history of abuse proves one of the most significant warning signs. Abuse has patterns. A person who has abused others in the past will likely to do so again, especially if they haven’t sought treatment. Abusers sometimes confess to their history, but profess they no longer act this way; often they lay blame on former victims, explaining how certain behavior “made” them become abusive.
Cruelty
Cruelty proves a key character trait of abusers. This can include outright sadistic behavior, as with the torturing of animals, a behavior closely linked to violence toward other people, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. Cruelty can become more subtle, too, as with unreasonable demands or excessive punishments for young children. This can manifest in sexual aspects of a relationship as well. Abusers may admit to rape fantasies, make sexual demands without regard to the victim’s desires or show sadistic sexual proclivities.
Blame-Shifting
Abusers have difficulty taking responsibility for problems. They go as far as necessary to attribute blame for their circumstances to anyone else, even if it may sound somewhat conspiratorial. Similarly, they don’t accept ownership of their emotions. They typically express both negative and positive feelings with language like, “You make me so mad.” Blame may be attributed more subtly by starting with first-person language, as with, “I wouldn’t have to do this if you didn’t…”
About this Author
Jon Mohrman has been a freelance writer for six years, working for various online publications and numerous private clients. Mohrman specializes in health, nutrition and food topics, and has written about 2,000 articles on these subjects. Mohrman attended the University of Pittsburgh for English literature and San Francisco State University for creative writing.
