1. It’s Not Your Fault
A key to maintaining emotional health for children and teens in a divorce situation is making sure they understand that they had nothing to do with the separation of their parents. When something traumatic like a divorce happens in a child’s life, it can be extremely frightening and cause a lot of overwhelming emotions. One of the most common emotions for children is a sense of guilt, which can happen to kids whether they’re 4 years old or 40 years old. Nonetheless, it is essential that children coping with their parents’ divorce understand they are not responsible for their parents’ failed relationship.
Make sure kids understand that their role in the family as the children has not changed. It’s important to help children adjust to the familial change by keeping routines and contact with both parents, if possible. Children should not be forced to choose one parent over the other.
2. Need-to-Know Basis
The circumstances of a divorce are best communicated to children in a straightforward and honest manner. Of course, the ages of the children bear greatly on the amount of information that they receive, but for the most part, children’s psychological and emotional wellness depends greatly on how much they are thrust into the divorce situation.
Understanding the divorce often simply means that the parents be up front about why the split is occurring. Details about child support, alimony and other legal problems are best left between the parents and lawyers. In many cases, it is not advisable to bring children too heavily into custody battles or court proceedings since the stress can add to the confusion of the situation. In many ways, the extreme details of the divorce should be divulged on a need-to-know basis, unless the child asks.
3. Keep the Routine After the Divorce
The fitness level of a divorce situation rests largely on how active the parents stay in their children’s lives and how routinized and structured the children’s lives become after the divorce. Indeed, many large changes are associated with a divorce situation, but parents must put forth some effort to include the children in activities that they used to do together. Spending ample time with both parents is preferable, if possible.
Always tell children that they remain important and valued in the family relationship, no matter what; it is integral to helping children transition into the major change of divorce in a family. Add in stepparents, stepsiblings and a possible relocation, and the stakes get even higher. Children and teens crave routine and structure, and this should be maintained diligently.
About this Author
Sterlin Mosley holds a bachelors degree in English writing and is currently pursuing masters degree in human relations where he focuses on counseling psychology. His research interests include personality psychology and mental health pathology. Sterlin’s hobbies include working out five days a week, and he has received 20 hours of personal trainer certification coursework.
