“I’m angry with you.”“I’m feeling really hurt by what you said to me.”“I’m so disappointed in you.”“I’m feeling really irritated with you.” How often have you said these things to others? And how do they generally respond? Do they get…
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In 1974, Dr. Virginia Satir presented the concept of mirroring in her groundbreaking book, “Conjoint Family Therapy.” In 1975 Dr. Thomas Gordon wrote a best-selling book called “Parent Effectiveness Training.” In the book he taught parents to “active listen,” which…
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Do you sometimes wonder why you feel so drained after being with some people, while you feel energized when being with others? Some people are energy vampires, and actually drain energy from you. How do they do this? What can…
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“Let’s talk tonight,” said Callie. “Oh no, not again!” thought Darren as he gave Callie a blank stare, feeling like a deer in the headlights. Darren knew from past experience that “Let’s talk,” meant, “Let’s talking about what you are…
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I received the following email from someone who had read one of my articles: “One topic that I feel that I haven’t seen covered much is the issue of body-image related stress, anxiety, and insecurity, and how to fight it….
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January 29, 2015 Marriage and Divorce
“My husband and I have a great working relationship. He’s great to the kids, he’s nice to me, he works hard on the house but he isn’t very interested in getting to know me for who I really am. Any…
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January 12, 2015 Communication
Research indicates that children would rather be yelled at than ignored. When prisoners are being punished, they are put in isolation, because being isolated is one of the harshest punishments there is – other than physical abuse. The silent treatment…
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December 23, 2014 Marriage and Divorce
Do love and marriage really go together like a horse and carriage? For some they do, but for many they don’t. Why not? Why does love seem to die away in so many marriages? At the beginning of most relationships…
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Lindsay called me for counseling because her boyfriend of 18 months had just ended their relationship. Lindsay, 28, had been sure that Jake was “Mr. Right.” “I am so heartbroken,” sobbed Lindsay. “I don’t know how I’m going to get…
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What is Emotional Dependency? Lydia consulted with me because her relationship with her husband, Andrew, was falling apart. Andrew had moved out, stating that he could no longer tolerate Lydia’s neediness and constant pull on him to make her feel…
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“I’ve finally learned how to lovingly hold my heart when my heart hurts from the pain of disconnection with loved ones,” said Meagan in our phone session. “I’ve discovered that it’s possible to feel peaceful even in the midst of…
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October 27, 2014 Communication
All of us, as we were growing up, learned a myriad of ways to try to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe. One of the ways we might have learned is to lie. We all had…
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October 21, 2014 Marriage and Divorce
“I feel awful saying this,” Mary told me during one of our phone counseling sessions, “but I often wish my husband would die. I feel like a terrible person saying this, but I think about it a lot.” “I hear…
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October 12, 2014 Communication
Rianna and Joel consulted with me because they kept getting stuck in their relationship whenever there was a conflict. It wasn’t the issue itself that kept creating a problem, but how they were dealing with the issue. Married for 7…
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September 30, 2014 Marriage and Divorce
Over the 40 years that I have been counseling individual and couples, I have very often worked with people who are considering leaving their marriage. Often they say things like: * I no longer feel close or intimate with my…
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September 18, 2014 Marriage and Divorce
I have worked with individuals and couples for the past 42 years, and I have heard this question countless times: “Why doesn’t my partner want to have sex with me?” Over and over, I discover that there is often ONE…
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August 10, 2014 Marriage and Divorce
“He is always blaming me for the bad things that happen in his life, and then he tells me it’s my controlling him that is making him so angry. He yells at me and puts me down rather than deal…
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August 7, 2014 Marriage and Divorce
Bobbie and Mac sought me out for couples counseling because they were on the verge of divorce – after 25 years of marriage. Both had years of counseling, yet they could not find their way through their relationship problems. Bobbie…
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We are attracted to each other at our common level of woundedness and our common level of health. What does this mean? For example, Jackson, a very attractive man in his early 50s, had been married three times and had…
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Some people believe that it is caring to point out their partner’s flaws – that it will help to make that person a better person. But the intent behind pointing out flaws is not loving – it is controlling. Pointing…
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March 5, 2014 Marriage and Divorce
I have worked with individuals and couples for the past 42 years, and I have heard this question countless times: “Why doesn’t my partner want to have sex with me?” Over and over, I discover that there is often ONE…
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December 29, 2013 Communication
Many of you have heard of the Law of Attraction – that like attracts like. However, many are confused about what this really means. In my experience, like attracts like means that like frequency attracts like frequency. My high frequency attracts…
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October 3, 2013 Crisis Support
“Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother.” But what if your father and mother didn’t honor you? What if instead of loving and honoring you they physically, sexually and emotionally abused you? What if you were scared every day of your…
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July 21, 2013 Marriage and Divorce
What is a high maintenance relationship? A high maintenance relationship is when someone is making you responsible for him or her in various different areas of life. Emotional High Maintenance When a person takes no responsibility for their own feelings…
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