November 20, 2015 Marriage and Divorce
As a counselor, I often work with people who are unhappy in their relationship and thinking of leaving. They believe that they are unhappy because of their partner, but the real reason is that they are not taking responsibility for…
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How often do you withhold the truth from someone important to you – your partner, friend, parent, child, co-worker – because you know he or she will get angry rather than care about you? How you do feel when you…
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“We ‘love’ another in order to get something ourselves….There can be no greater mistake than that, for love is incapable of asking for anything.” – A Course in Miracles “Love is incapable of asking for anything.” Wow! Take a moment…
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November 6, 2015 Communication
When partners are having problems, they often say that the problem is communication. What exactly does this mean? What are they trying to communicate? There are various reasons for communicating: 1. Sometimes we communicate to offer information about ourselves, such…
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November 3, 2015 Marriage and Divorce
Emotional infidelity occurs when you or your partner become emotionally connected with someone outside your relationship, either in person or on the Internet. How dangerous to a marriage or committed relationship is emotional infidelity? One way of looking at emotional…
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November 1, 2015 Friends and Peers
“I cringe every time Debra says to me, Let’s talk about our relationship,’” Chad told me in one of our phone sessions. “What is it about talking about your relationship that makes you cringe?” I asked. “It always seems to…
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October 28, 2015 Marriage and Divorce
Research indicates that, unless there is violence in the home, children are better off being raised by an intact family. Whenever clients who have children call to work with me on their marriage, I always encourage them to do all…
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October 26, 2015 Marriage and Divorce
What are couples really meaning when they say, “We can’t communicate”? The issue with understanding what this means is what they mean by “communicate.” All too often, when a partner states, “We can’t communicate,” what he or she means is…
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Are you love or approval addicted? * Do you often feel empty inside if you are not in a relationship? * Do you often feel empty inside even if you are in a relationship but your partner is not paying…
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“I know that my boyfriend loves me, but he has a lot of women friends. I don’t get why he has to have so many women friends. I get scared and jealous when he spends time with another woman. I…
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“My parents had a very good relationship,” I often hear my clients say. “What do you mean by good?” I ask. “They didn’t fight. They spent a lot of time with each other.” That may have been the definition of…
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Couples that have a very good relationship are not just lucky. Successful, loving relationships do not just happen. The couples that have loving relationships are taking five specific actions that people in unsuccessful relationships are not taking. ACTION 1 –…
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October 8, 2015 Friends and Peers
Frequently, my clients and members of our website ask me, “Is my relationship healthy? How do I know if it is healthy?” Just as physical health is on a continuum, emotional health and relationship health are also on a continuum….
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The fear of rejection is a huge issue in relationships. For some, the fear is so huge that it stops them from being in a relationship. For others, it plagues them throughout their relationships and causes much anxiety. Rejection is…
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“My husband never lets me explain anything to him. It’s so frustrating! He makes these statements that are blaming and attacking and then he won’t listen to me when I’m trying to explain.” “Why do you want to explain?” “I…
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August 21, 2015 Marriage and Divorce
Do you live your life with your heart mostly open or mostly closed? Do you spend most of your time protecting against rejection or being taken advantage of, or most of your time open to sharing love with others? As…
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“Why do men so often change after sex?” asked Shelley in our first phone session. “Tell me what you mean by this. What has been your experience?” I asked her. “I meet a guy who I like. We are very…
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“I have a question about envy. I’m not talking about jealousy but specifically envy and how to be happy for someone else’s good fortune. I feel like I have broke new ground on this issue as I have genuinely been…
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“Why would my boyfriend cheat on me?” “I’m pretty sure my wife is cheating on me. I want to know why.” “I know that my husband has been cheating on me for years. I don’t get why he does this.”…
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“When it is helpful to apologize?” asked Patricia, a client of mine, in one of our phone sessions. Her husband, Brent, often expected her to apologize and she was confused about when it was appropriate. The answer to this question…
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Why would someone be afraid of intimacy? Don’t we all want to feel close and connected with someone? Yes, of course we want that, but there are very real fears that keep us from opening to emotional intimacy in a…
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Have you recently ended a relationship or are you recently divorced? Are you thinking about dating again? Many times, putting yourself back into the dating scene is a good idea. But how can you know when it is time to…
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June 29, 2015 Friends and Peers
There is one choice you can make that will heal many of your relationship problems. This is the choice of kindness to both yourself and to others. This may sound simple, yet for many people, there is one choice far…
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Years ago, when on a book tour for our book, my ex-husband and I had dinner with a couple on the East Coast with whom he had become friends. I connected with Allison (not her real name) immediately. Warm and…
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June 23, 2015 Friends and Peers
What if there really is ONE major cause of relationship problems, one issue that if you address, would change everything? The good news and the bad news is – there is! The good news is that it makes it easier…
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“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not…
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Have you ever had an argument with someone – a partner, spouse, close friend, child, parent or other relative, or a business associate – that started small and spiraled into an intense conflict? Have you ever scratched your head, wondering…
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“I know what’s coming when Robert says that we need to sit down and have a talk,” Maryann told me in our phone session. “He wants to tell me everything that is wrong with me. It’s not about talking –…
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May 14, 2015 Friends and Peers
“Why don’t I have friends?” asked Isabella in one of our phone counseling sessions. Isabella, 25 and very attractive, was having a problem that many people have. Sometimes, if people don’t keep their high school friends or meet friends in…
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Are you aware of how you may be hurting your partner? Are you aware of how your partner may be hurting you? Are you aware of the painful feelings of loneliness, heartache and heartbreak you likely feel when you are…
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