Shyness is a personality trait that tends to run in families. It is not a character flaw. Some people are naturally more reserved than others. They tend to be private people who are good listeners and take a while to…
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NO is not a four-letter word. If we do not learn to use it, we will be eternally controlled by others. When a toddler says no, parents should cheer. S/he is asserting the idea that s/he is a separate person,…
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HOOKED ON JERKS Some people (often the helpful female type who would consider assertiveness training an act of gross selfishness) have a peculiar attraction to emotional basket-cases who are looking for somebody to carry their basket. The Happy Helpers mistake…
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THE COMMUNICATIONS TRIANGLE It’s not enough to be a good speaker or a good listener. There are three aspects, not two, to effective person-to-person communication: 1. speaking and sharing 2. listening 3. absorbing, consolidating, processing, before speaking again The best…
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BODY LANGUAGE Once upon a time, I thought of self-expression as primarily a verbal phenomenon. Making myself known to the world was a matter of choosing words that other rational beings could understand. Then I read Desmond Morris’ book, “The…
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My uncle used to say, “I tell people what they want to hear. It makes them happy, and there’s nothing more important than happiness.” He and his buddies cheerfully acknowledged that they were full of bull. Perhaps they had a…
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Long distance relationships are becoming increasingly commonplace. In today’s world; women no longer follow their men without a second thought. They consider their own careers and preferences just as important as their spouse’s. Long-distance relationships are often the best short-term…
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March 26, 2015 Marriage and Divorce
In the early days, it is so easy. The mere sight of your partner starts you smiling from your toes. You want to touch, to hold, to whisper sweet nothings. The glow of infatuation irradiates even the most mundane task….
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March 11, 2015 Marriage and Divorce
“We don’t need a piece of paper to prove we love each other.”“Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?”“I’m not ready for a lifetime commitment.”“We need time to really get to know each other.” We’re…
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Funerals are rites of passage. The rituals are designed to flow along quite nicely without clever input from the living guests. The immediate family of the deceased is under extreme, painful stress, somewhere between shock/denial and anger/depression/bargaining, possibly in the…
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February 11, 2015 Friends and Peers
“People get so damned frightened if someone threatens not to like them or doesn’t like them. They get paralyzed and don’t function to their own benefit on jobs, with friends, spouses, lovers, dates, etc. Sometimes one feels like telling people:…
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February 3, 2015 Marriage and Divorce
Marriages may be made in heaven, but they are lived out, one minute at a time, in the nitty-gritty of mundane life on earth. A great marriage demands everything both partners have to pour into it. You may be building…
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February 2, 2015 Crisis Support
When a woman discovers she is pregnant, she invariably visualizes the new human being who will be the end product of the process. When miscarriage shatters that possibility, she may be devastated or relieved, but her life will never be…
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January 25, 2015 Communication
“Mature men and women do draw on qualities that stereotypically belong to the opposite sex. But the easiest way to get them to that point is to first make them confident about being a man or a woman.” (Stanley Kurtz,…
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January 23, 2015 Crisis Support
When I was in the dentist’s office to have my teeth descaled, I had a chat with the technician about the vast improvements in dentistry since my childhood. Although I still clutch the arms of the chair tightly, anticipating pain,…
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January 23, 2015 Skin and Body
OVERALL BEAUTY.COM Although this website catalog includes products for men, children and dogs, as well as items suitable for mature women, it has a youthful feeling and features products that almost any teen would love. One of the featured best-sellers…
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“I feel weird with my friends,” my fifteen-year-old daughter complained one day. “They all have something major going on at home. My parents are married to each other. None of us are gay or on drugs. We don’t fight about…
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Dear Dr. Ursa, My husband is a pig. That’s the only way I can describe it. He never cleans up after himself, and he never puts anything back. We’ve been married for less than two years, and I don’t want…
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January 16, 2015 Marriage and Divorce
10. You haven’t found the right person. This is a great excuse which can be used for a lifetime. If someone who meets your criteria comes along, all you have to do is raise the bar. You will never have…
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Family dinner has become a dinosaur, merely a memory of the “good old days”. In our fast-paced contemporary scene, everyone is running in different directions, attached to different eating plans, multi-tasking while eating. Should this stop? Yes, of course. The question is,…
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Have You Ever Been Lonely, Have You Ever Been Blue? September 2006.The last few days, I have been feeling bored and lonely. I tend to see myself as a lone wolf, and prefer to work without having to contend with…
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Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. So, why were they thrown together on Planet Earth? “Can’t live with ’em; can’t live without ’em.” Both genders moan about the opposite sex. Despite our best efforts to be independent and…
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December 5, 2014 Communication
The difference between listening and pretending to listen, I discovered, is enormous. One is fluid, the other is rigid. One is alive, the other is stuffed. Eventually, I found a radical way of thinking about listening. Real listening is a…
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December 3, 2014 Communication
Nothing impresses new contacts more than the ability to recall their names. The skill of remembering names is especially important for those who are involved in public relations, such as sales, politics, or church leadership. Some people have an uncanny knack…
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November 25, 2014 Friends and Peers
Jane is becoming more and more withdrawn and secretive. She is suffering from financial problems, and is making more and more trips to ER with mysterious injuries. Her friend Erica suspects that Jane’s husband has a substance problem, but Jane…
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Do you struggle endlessly to please others, and defer to their opinion because you are worried about how they will feel about you if you don’t? When there is a problem between you and someone else, do you automatically take…
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A son announces that he is not going to take over the family laundry business, but pursue a career in film making instead. His father throws him out of the house, and changes his will. His mother continues to keep…
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Love is all you need to raise happy, healthy kids? If only that were true! In the introduction to his book “Love is not Enough”, Bruno Bettelheim observed that almost all the parents of his patients genuinely loved their children,…
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You have given them the best years of your life. You have struggled to provide for them, guide them, and encourage them. Now that they are grown up, what is your reward? They pretend that you don’t exist. What to…
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Weddings, funerals, and seasonal family gatherings bring out the best in some families and the worst in others. For most families, celebrations are a mixed bag of Hallmark and Hell-on-wheels. Certain conflicts are as hardy as dandelions, and keep popping up year…
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