A few years back on a flight to Phoenix , I was seated next to a beautiful, sweet-looking girl who smiled at me as I stowed my backpack in the overhead bin. After one enchanted look I was in love, and after talking to her for one minute, I knew I would marry her. We chatted for the whole ride, right up to the point where I began telling her about my work as a writer. I offered her a copy of one of my books, which she politely declined while saying “I don’t like to read.” I was dumbfounded and grief-stricken. How could my future wife not enjoy reading? How could I have been so struck by someone who simply didn’t like books?
Love at first sight is a myth to some, and a matter of fact to others.I know couples who have been in love since they moment they met and never looked back.I also have friends who instantaneously fall head over heels for lover after lover, only to have each new liaison flounder and fail.Is the phenomenon of love at first sight really love?Is it lust?Is it something in between?
Hey there, cutie!
Dear Davy,
I have a serious crush on a guy at work. I don’t know his name and we haven’t spoken more than 10 words to one another, but he’s in my head and I find myself meandering out of my way to catch a glimpse of him. I try to conjure some excuse to start a conversation and introduce myself, but it feels awkward and forced. It makes me a little uncomfortable when men I don’t know hit on me purely on the basis of looks, and I don’t want to do the same to him. How do I approach him without being superficial? – Wendy
Wendy,
I’ve never met a man who would mind being hit on purely for his looks, but should he exist, may he take solace in these words…
Physical attraction is a pretty essential component to romantic love.I have dated women on the basis of powerful mental attraction alone, but those relationships are few and far between – the no-hitters of my long and storied career.There’s nothing superficial about being attracted to someone and wanting to know more.It’s only problematic if looks are your only interest; then you’re just being shallow.I’ve never understood why people hate on the idea of love at first sight.Yes, the expression may be a misnomer; anyone who has experienced love at first sight knows that it isn’t love exactly, but it IS something magical and important and worthy of our attention. I think you can tell a lot about a person just by looking for a few good seconds.I don’t mean that you can guess their weight or age or height – this isn’t a carnival trick.Nor do I mean that you can tell where they’re from, how much money they make, or how educated they are.I mean that you can sense who they are on a deeper plane.The details might be murky and veiled, but we are all images of ourselves – caricatures of our thoughts, hopes, and desires.I think that your interest in this guy probably runs deeper than you recognize. Whatever it is that you sense in him, don’t worry that you’re being petty or small-minded when you go for it. And you should go for it.As for how to approach him, just think of any excuse.Tell him you like his shirt and want to find out where he got it.Tell him he looks familiar and then try to determine where you know him from.Invite him in on an office prank.It doesn’t matter how simple or stupid it is; once you start talking, the conversation starter will be irrelevant. Good luck!
Davy
Have you ever fallen in love at first sight? If so, what did you do? Did it work out?
About Author:
Davy Rothbart has gained much wisdom from his years and years of romantic misfires. So while his heart might be an idiot, he can likely help you if your heart is acting like a jerk. His artilces will dish love and relationship advice, reflect on the latest sex studies and meditate on the complicated nature of human interactions as they are illustrated in popular culture.
