When you succeed in some area of life, there may be people who will surprise you by their reaction and manage to tarnish the joy you should be feeling. It happens in families, between friends, and within partnered relationships. You’re never prepared for negative reactions from people you hardly know, but to get them from the people whom you hold close creates a different kind of pain and leaves a deeper and longer-lasting scar.
Stealing another person’s joy is a cruel and damaging thing to do.
A hateful reaction can result from small achievements – not just in the major areas of life. Winning party games, small lottery winnings, or winning anything can inspire a great deal of jealousy in the people who should only be happy for you. Some who cannot seem to make a go of it in any area of life are often the people who will be envious of even your smallest of advancements.
But it’s not always that way. Often, those who have “made it” feel resentment and bitterness toward anyone else who succeeds, as though they are going to lose their own crown of success now that you have also become successful. These are people from whom you would expect congratulatory responses and instead receive cutting remarks and insults.
Does it surprise you that someone would hate you for achieving success? It may not be genuine hatred, but the more you think about these reactions, the more it begins to dawn on you that there is indeed a high level of disdain for your accomplishments. If it is not spoken directly, it’s in the tone of voice, in the sarcasm, and possibly in body language or gestures. Word may get back to you that you are being put down by an individual or by a group after you’ve made strides in a particular area, or when your life has markedly improved in some way.
It may even be realized in the prolonged absences of people you used to see regularly. If you have succeeded far above the expectations of others, there may be even more hostility directed toward you. In reality, the people now missing in your life may feel left behind. Being around you reminds them too much of their own lack of achievement.
A sibling can inflict brutal hurt and pain when you have accomplished something. Other family members can, also – even parents. You’ve expected a joyous reception from them when you announce your latest success in education, work promotions, a relationship, finances, or acquiring various material gain. Even the birth of a child, your growth in family life, a political success, or an affiliation with a different religion can trigger negativity in some people. You are happy! They, obviously, are not.
When the feeling of being hated occurs, you have perceived their jealousy. Perhaps close and long-standing friendships just dissolve when you achieve in any of the above areas. The realization leaves you reeling. Weren’t these the very people who were supposed to be supporting you and cheering you on? Maybe they did, until you reached your goals and began to show the results of your hard work or good fortune.
Now that you’ve moved forward in life, where have they gone? A friendship was strong and you felt it would always be there. Now you’re the one who always has to call, and your calls are seldom returned. If they answer the phone, you get a brush-off. Suddenly, because your situation has changed for the better, they’ve abandoned you and your success.
This same thing can happen even in a romantic partnership or in a marriage when one partner achieves and the other doesn’t. One partner moves up with a career or other accomplishment and the other remains static in life. One achieves, the other doesn’t. One builds friendships, the other doesn’t. Resentment builds until the more successful of the two begins to perceive that feeling of hatred toward them from the most unlikely source.
There can be multiple reasons for hateful reactions to success. A sibling, friend, coworker, or partner may be experiencing something you’re totally unaware of – some perception of failure on his or her own part. When they learn of your success in business, possessions, finances, educational pursuits or any number of things, it feels unfair to them. By negating your success, they shield themselves to keep from being exposed to the pain of your achievements. The hatred or bitterness you feel coming from them is a defense mechanism for them. You have not imagined they hate you… they actually may think they do. At least, they are feeling extreme resentment because you have moved forward and they have not achieved up to expectation.
The haters may feel guilty for not having made the right decisions along the way – you’re a bulls-eye target for their disappointments. They may be feeling unsuccessful because with all their potential and promise, they know they haven’t tried hard enough, and they will try to find comfort in bringing you down. You may be the recipient of personal attacks, or as mentioned above, what doesn’t get said directly to you will quickly get back to you. However you experience it, it will be just as hurtful. Brace yourself for this kind of reaction from some people whenever you have a significant life success, but also recognize that you will probably be dumbstruck by it if it happens to you.
Your detractors and critics may have personality traits that cause them to react negatively to any and every situation, so realize that you may not be the only recipient of ill will. There are people who express themselves in negative terms regularly, and simply do not have the ability to feel genuinely happy for themselves, for you, or for others. This lack of positive emotion can be the result of damaging childhood experiences that created an absence of self-esteem. By tearing down your success, they believe they are building themselves up. In reality, they are adding to the misery they already experience.
