What’s all the fuss about a potential Earth-like planet scientists claim exists somewhere in another solar system? There are too many questions involved to take the discovery seriously. Among them, just consider:
1. What kind of name is Gliese 581g? Have they run out of Greek and Roman god names, such as Venus, Saturn, Mars and Mercury? The nerdy scientists who discovered the planet had to come up with something that sounds like the newest German car model for next year. Anyhow, is the name pronounced to sound like grease or ice? Can’t you just hear the TV auto commercials: It would be neise to take a leise on the brand, new Gliese 581g!
2. The new planet is said to be in another galaxy and 20 light years away from Earth. Since we haven’t yet perfected time travel, except for all the airlines that never depart nor land on time, how can earth vehicles ever get to the Gliese world without the crew and passengers finally all arrive looking like John McCain?
3. Gliese 581g rotates around its sun, named Gliese 581 by the unimaginative astronomers. Do residents of the planet sing: You are my Gliese 581-shine, my only Gliese-shine?
4. Another feature is that one half of the planet will always be in light, while the other in darkness. Who decides who lives where, and will there be troubles when people from the dark side start building settlements on the light side. What about people who live on light side who suffer from insomnia? Do they have to travel to the dark side every night just to get some sleep?
4. The two vastly different sides of Gliese 581g also could cause earth settlers on the planet another serious problem. The average daily temperature of the dark side is estimated to be minus 30 degrees Fahrenheit, while on the bright side as high at 150 degrees. New retirees from the dark side wouldn’t have to fly to Florida for their sunset years. All they’d need to do is drag themselves and their medications across the line to the light side.
5. While Earth’s year is 365 days, Gliese 581g spins seasons around much more quickly at less than 37 days of their year. What would such a fast year mean to Earthling immigrants? If life expectancy is the same, that means an average lifespan could be 800 Gliese years, or about John McCain’s current age. On the other hand, you could earn your bachelor’s, master’s and PhD at Gliese U in seven or eight semesters, or about 12 months, and still be only 19 in Earth years.
Babies could be conceived and born in 20 days, grow up fast and then could do the Earth equivalent of 30 years in the military. Then they retire in a year and a half with three-quarter pay and a double-dip job with Boeing. The thought of quick year benefits can be endless, except if human aging goes as fast. Then, you could die of old age at ten.
