I have been a bit concerned about all of the UFO abductions as of late. The more and more I hear about these kidnappings the more I realize that these abduction are usually nothing more than a glorified “booty call”. I am not worried that there might be extra terrestrials from billions of miles away who are cruising around and studying us. Hell, I am not even concerned about the fact these beings are traveling through time and space to sexually assault earthlings (allegedly).
The thing that really bothers me is that these intergalactic warriors are traveling billions of miles to sexually assault the likes of the Whitley F’n Striebers of the world! Have you seen Whitley F’n Strieber!? This is a man who claims to have been screwed in every single position by the ETs. According to him, He is basically the Jenna Jameson of the planet Zolton, where you can find dozens of reels that capture rather seedy footage of Whitley and various alien beings.
I can understand where these alien crave sex, but it is beyond all comprehension that these aliens only crave middle aged men who are big fans of the Sci Fi network. Is it mere coincidence that all of these abductees happen to be Star Wars fanatics? Maybe, these ETs do in fact become aroused at the sight of a a 46 year old man who is wearing an extremely tight fitting storm trooper outfit or maybe these men are craving of acceptance and this particular club they long to join only has one membership requirement, and that is that you have had to have had made a sex tape with ALF as a dozen of his friends looked on. I don’t know which is more disturbing really.
If these aliens really do exist, I have yet to hear of a single female come forward about being abducted. There was actually a resident of my home state that went to the papers with the news that she had been taken in the night and assaulted by two beings from what she had believed to be from another planet. Of course, some time later it was found out that these “beings” were really 2 recently escaped convicts from the state prison, who had just raided a costume shop off Center street, and were driving a stolen, silver, later model Chevy Lumina.
Maybe, these aliens do like only earthling males(preferably the earthling males who have seen all 6 Star Wars movies). But the theory that i refuse to believe is that these aliens are here looking for intelligent life on other planets. If that is true, these creatures have come and gone and aren’t gonna be coming back ever! Are you telling me that these aliens that were brilliant enough to build a friggin space ship that travels through space and time are here to observe and learn from US? If you put these intellectually gifted beings in front of a television to watch all 200 channels of the stuff that we find entertaining…don’t you think it would be just a matter of time before they all looked at each other and said, “we got to get the hell out of here!”
I find the thought of these ETs observing us because they ultimately want us to help them rule the universe to be so arrogantly human. I mean, we already think of ourselves as immortals, must we think of ourselves as potential rulers of the universe as well? If anything these aliens are looking for nothing more than a good lay and possibly a pet for their kids. You remember Travis Walton from the movie “Fire In The Sky”? He was the guy who was thought to have been abducted/studied for a rather lengthy amount of time. If i was a betting men, i would bet that he probably be ended up being some alien child’s pet gerbil for 2 weeks and little else. I’m not saying that there isn’t “life out there”, all I am saying is that if they are as smart as I would imagine them to be, they aren’t looking to make contact with us for anything more than a little cheap “no strings attached” sex.
