Some years ago, I was afraid of night. Death never entered my mind. It was the cause of the death that I feared most. Actually, the fear was that death was supposed to come at night; therefore, someone, a stranger, was going to murder me at night.
If we went to visit someone, like my grandmother, we would have to double up in bed. I would always insist in sleeping in the middle. That way I would be safe and knew that the cover would not be pulled off me.
Other times, at night, I would envision imaginary things, such as ghosts, and scream and cry for I just knew ‘it’ had come to get me. Then, my dad would come and sleep with me. I knew I would be safe with him as he consoled me.
Now, at night, I sleep in a bed by myself. It has been fifty years since I felt that way and have reasoned it all out.
I was a child then and no one knew me well enough to have a grudge against me enough to murder me and as far as I know, they don’t now.
We have nothing to fear but fear itself. I have often heard that and try to adhere to it. Death is not painful. It is the pain from the illness that leads to death that is so horrible. Once you have been through so much pain and it is so unbearable that you cannot tolerate it, death would probably be welcomed.
Of course, we all fear death and worry about what we are leaving behind. For instance, will the children be okay? What will happen to them? Thinking about that, our parents are gone or will be going and I am sure they had the same thoughts. They are going to be okay. Just as we were okay.
As for life after, if there is, there is and if there is not, then there is not. According to the Bible that I was raised by, if you have lived by it, then there is an afterlife. It’s hard to think that I would be on the list to go to Heaven but then, again, I can hardly believe I have been bad enough to be sent to Hell.
My suggestion is to not worry about it. Death is sure to come but, none of us know when.
There is one thing that bothers me about death. When I am dead, before I decided on cremation, I didn’t want a bunch of people at my funeral looking down on me in a casket. That worried me for the longest, then, cremation became the simplest way to dispose of a body and that is my choice. It brought to mind “Rosemary’s Baby”, the movie, when all the people were looking down at her baby. That is one thing I do not want.
