Diana Baumrind (Boyd & Bee, 2009) explains the aspects of the parent and child developing a connection as providing of loving care and attention or nurturing, and warmth. Parents must be consistent at all times. Making sure to make the child understands what is expected of him or her. Communication between parent and child is paramount at this early stage of development. Even during early child, development helps the child to understand boundaries or rules the parents have set. Again, consistency is the key to ensure the child completely understands all of the rules his or her parents expect. Now is a good time to set expectations for the child, a goal that parent and child can work together to accomplish, allowing positive feedback from the parent to the child helping the child to gain his or her self esteem.
Looking back I believe my mother used a different parenting style with me she was permissive. I believe since I helped out and missed out on two years of my schooling and being allowed to be with my peers, she felt quilt. When she remarried she seemed to want to live her teen years through me, wanting to be a part of my group of friends. I was a cheerleader and she came to every football and basketball game that I cheered. On the other hand, with my brothers and sisters, she was uninvolved. My sister was a cheerleader. My mom never went to any of her games. Both of my brothers were in band and she never went to their concerts, another sister was a flag twirler, again she did not attend any of her performances. She divorced very soon after I left home. I did not see her for over two years after I moved out. I was married and seven month pregnant the next time we spoke. I called one day I did not go home to visit so I had no idea what was going on, but she had been leaving the younger kids at home alone. She had a new boyfriend in California, and went there every weekend. The house was filthy, and one of the neighbors called CPS and the kids were taken from her for a short time. When she got the four of them back, nothing changed. My mother was defiantly permissive with me, and uninvolved with my siblings (2009).
The way my mother favored me, and still picks and chooses who she wants to be involved – now she is doing the same thing with grandchildren. She has at least 20 and that includes great grandchildren. She accepts my two oldest boys, and has seen my younger four only a few times. She also accepts my youngest sister’s two kids. What I learned from the way she brought me up is never give my kids (when they were young) responsibilities that were not age appropriate, never pick favorites or show favoritism, and children need an authority figure in their lives. I was and am authoritative, always firm with my boys and now with my granddaughter, I want to let them know although I expect things from them I will always be there and they can come to me with any problem and I will help them in any way I am able. I may have been a little more of an authoritarian when they were young, because I was fairly strict so when they got older they would be well mannered and wanted them to be more responsible than the men in their lives.
Reference
Boyd, D. & Bee, (2009). Lifespan Development 5th ed. Boston, Pearson Allyn, & Bscon.
