Emotions are real and emotions exist in every living human being on the planet. Unless you understand what an emotion is you will not be able to deal with the results of your emotions; particularly, anger. Where does anger come from? How is anger controlled? You might have asked yourself these questions and never bothered to answer them. It is my desire to give you an insite about your emotions and how they can result in you being angry. Hopefully, by the time you finish reading this article you will have an understanding about anger and how to deal with it, importantly on your own, without any outside interference. I’m fully aware that there are some people that need professional help dealing with anger. By no means am I attempting to be an on-line psycologist.
To make it as plain as possible for you to understand, anger does not come into play until an emotion has been triggered. People mistake anger for a primary emotion when it is not! ANGER IS SECONDARY! LOL, excuse me. Answer to yourself this question about yourself will you please? Can you remember the last time you were angry? If yes, can you remember what you were doing before you became angry? If yes, think about what made you angry. Can you see it? Now, think about what you were doing before the situation occurd. Explore in your mind were you happy before you became angry. If you were happy before you had become angry pause right there for a moment. My personal way of identifying with my behaviors is through self-evaluation, this is what you are doing now, you are evaluating yourself.
Remember, you were happy before you had became angry. While you were happy, you were engaging in whatever activity that was at hand. Then suddenly! Something happened that interupted your current happiness. What ever it was that appeared, first it made you feel disrespected, fear, or hurt, etc.. These are “emotions” that I just mentioned. Your emotions are first jarred, or surprised before you become angry. Once your brain sends a message to your heart that what you are seeing and feeling is upsetting your emotions, your heart pumps more blood to the brain increasing the flow of chemicals to the part of the brain that deals with anger. These chemicals can also affect your judgement and your vision. Most people with anger issues aren’t aware of this. With your brain being charged up for anger, here it comes! ANGER!
Can you see the process one must go through in order to be angry? First emotions are bothered and secondly, anger is present. Believe it or not, in most cases anger is present more by choice and not by chance. People that have been diagnosed with a chemical enbalance are exempt. Those of us that are mentally healthy always have a choice of how we respond to our emotions. My following examples will be over the edge, but I feel that it is necessary in order to help you understand how to control your anger. You one hundred percent happily married or involved in a relationship with someone, anyone. You are standing alone in a public place full of people that are moving about everywhere like a popular shopping mall. Suddenly, you feel someone pat you on your buttock, and your emotions go wild.
Immediately your feelings are hurt and disrespected. Automatically you embrace anger without thinking as you spin around to confront whomever just disrespected you and its your significant other. A smile appears as fast as the speed of light on your face, your relief is feeling like you hit the lotto. You identify that it was your lover and not some sick stranger. You turned your anger off as quick as you turned it on. So don’t tell me people can’t control their anger, when all one has to do is choose to control it. Had it been a stranger; your anger would have been coupled with physical defense and verbal defense. Even though you are absolutely right for protecting yourself, your “anger” can cause you to be uncomfortable if it is not under control.
Honestly, anger only appears when necessary. For the most part, noone walks around angry all day unless their emotions have been stepped on. I keep repeating this because its the truth and it will help you understand where anger comes from and how to control it. Love is an emotion and anger is the result of an emotion. Before you get angry, you always have a split second to choose what to do while you are angry. After spending nintey days in Rikers Island Correctional facility because I had gotten my feelings hurt and responded with anger I realized that I should have walked away. Sadly, but fortunately, in some cases we don’t learn or identify with having self preserving behavior till after all is said and done. Who wants to spend the rest of their life that way. Not me! That’s for sure.
I’ve learned that thinking before I react can be the most valuable tool against anger rage. Its alright to be angry and it is alright to be angry without hurting yourself. Anger can work for you and against you. It is your choice which will it be.
